My son called this morning and guess what!? He was fired from his job yesterday AND he and his friends are being evicted from the place they have been staying AND he didn't pay rent at the apartment he has managed to keep until now. I told him that living with us is not an option and that he needed to try and work something out with the landlord at his apartment because if he doesn't he is homeless.
I have read the blogs of other POAs so when I he told me all this I almost chuckled....almost. There was no shock, no disappointment, no knee jerk reaction that meant I should be fixing this problem for him. Of course this happened. He is an addict who is not in recovery and this is a natural course for addicts. Every blog that I read tells this story in some fashion or the other.
I'm thinking that if he doesn't have a job and no place to live this would be the ideal time for him to get into rehab. I may suggest that to him when he tries to whine about having no place to live. Think he will take me up on it?
Praying for peace for us all today.
Amazing isn't it! Us POA's are psychic, we can see the future! I know exactly what you meant in paragragh 2. Been there done that got the t-shirt.
ReplyDeleteGood for you Terri. All you can do is show them the door. I don't mean with a boot on their backside. I mean show them the door that leads to a future. It's up to them to grab the handle and push to open.
No being polite and courteous allowed. You are not even allowed to twist the knob for them. This is a step they must take.
Ron, This is the first time that I have said no right away. I think he was just a little bit surprised. I am not required nor do I want to provide him a place to live. Been there done that and I don't want the t-shirt.
ReplyDeleteI have made a list of state funded rehabs in my state and will pass this along to him. The choice whether to open the door is his.
It is the hardest thing you must do. Prayers extended as we wait for word of his choice.
ReplyDeleteI thought of something I remembered after I read your response.
ReplyDeleteWhen I finally got to this point where you are now and I was able to say and do what you have done. I actually felt a sense that I was actually a part of the solution instaed of just being the "fix it" dad.
Maybe this is the beginning of the light peeking into the dark place your son is living. For sure the light is shining brightly in your place.
You can give him suggestions if he asks for them. You are doing a great job! Trust me, it gets easier over time. Not enabling becomes second nature just like enabling did.
ReplyDeleteTough Love is Real Love.
ReplyDeleteThink I read that on Ron's blog awhile back.
Can't agree with it more.