At least they were brighter than they were the last time I saw them. I'm talking about my son's beautiful blue eyes that have been blood shot and grey for longest time now. He has been sober for two weeks now. He is still in rehab. He is depressed and wasn't very talkative at first. The first hour of the visit was pretty hard to get through.
I started telling a story about his brother's dog that none of us really like. Before I knew it we all three were laughing. Then we started talking about his son and that made him laugh too. The visit ended on a pretty good note.
I am wondering if it is typical that my son should see himself as different, better somehow than the rest of the people there? There may have been some socioeconomic difference and perhaps some difference in educational experience. Still, he is an addict just like them. I hope he realizes this at some point.
Praying for peace for us all tonight.
I think it is normal to be very awkward at first. We all have our perceptions and finally reality is staring us right in the face. Not reality of addiction but the reality of the road ahead and fear of the unknown.
ReplyDeleteWe too are so far in the valley with our children that we have a hard time seeing ahead too. I think it's normal for it to be awkward.
For myself, I spent so long angry at my son I hard a hard to talking with him. What was there to talk about but drugs? That was the only thing we talked about for years. I honestly felt I had nothing in common with this person. We had to get to know each other all over again.
Take it slow. I know Alex at times felt like he had the fill the void and silence by forcing conversation but we told him it was OK just to sit quietly or just watch TV together. The pleasure was being together.
Ron,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your insight. I agree, how could it be a comfortable visit? I am the one who thought that I needed to fill the silence, but then it has already been established that I am the "fixer" in the family. Next time I will take checkers or a puzzle that we can do in silence.
Next week it will just be me and maybe my son's son. I hope I can convince my grandson's mom to let me take him. I think it is important to my son and my grandson that they maintain contact.
Thanks again. It is important to me to hear from folks that have traveled this road before me.
Blessings to your and yours.
Terri,
ReplyDeleteYou are a good mom.
Ron,
ReplyDeleteThank you. That means a lot right now. You and Mom are great parents as well. Your example is one of the examples that I am following right now.
Its wonderful to hear about the beautiful bright blue eyes! I'm glad things got easier after the first hour. Dog and baby stories work every time.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Ron, you are a very good mom, and a very caring blog friend.