My family has had a bit of chaos not related to my son's addiction in the past couple of weeks. My dad is very, very ill and is on oxygen pretty much 24/7 now. I saw him two weekend ago and he didn't look good. It hurts to see him that way.
My 20 year old daughter is having "boy" problems and sort of freaked out at 2 a.m. one morning last week and I took her to the ER and she was admitted to the inpatient psych unit overnight. She made suicidal threats and had superficial cuts on one leg and a wrist. This all happened the night before my son was kicked out of his sober living facility.
Oh, and my husband and I recently separated for a short period. We are still not sure what is going to happen next. We are going to start counseling soon.
I work with a tightly knit group of women and we are all very supportive of each other. I guess we are each other's work family. I came to work on Friday after the incident with my daughter and they were all asking how could I even function at this point, let alone be at work. My supervisor was suggesting that I take a leave of absence.
I told them that work is something that I know I can do. I have control over what I do at my desk each day. I know the steps that I have to take to get through the day. The other stuff, I can't predict from day to day, or even minute to minute. I don't have any control over any of the other people in my life, and I can't change any of their behaviors to make my life more peaceful. I can control what I do and how I react to it.
Does any of it make my heart hurt less? No, but as the saying goes, "I can fake it until I make it".
I went to an Alanon meeting yesterday and the reading was about this very thing. When you are dealing with the upsetting behaviors of others or if you get bad news about your addicted love one, you should do the next normal thing that you were planning to do anyway. It could be getting up and going to work, or something simple as drinking the cup of coffee you just made and reading the paper.
So, my goal for today is to do the next normal thing and move forward.
Hang in there! Glad you are taking care of yourself!
ReplyDeleteWhen one day at a time is too much for me I try just making it through the morning and then just making it till 4 pm. You get the idea. I hope you have a few boring days to help the trauma settle.
ReplyDeleteI like what Anna said. A good friend in my nar-anon group once told me when I was in crisis to take it one moment at a time, that I can do. You are going through so much, I had a similar incident that you had with your daughter with my younger son a few weeks ago, I thought I was going to lose it. He is still struggling with depression and other issues. I'm praying for you. I love what you said about doing the next normal thing that you were planning to do.
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