How come a little boy who cried when his little sister got choked on a piece of watermelon when she was a toddler allow himself to enter hell through the point of a needle? How can the teenager already on his way to full addiction cry when he runs over a grass snake with the lawn mower only nicking it and come in begging his mom to take care of it? How come the 10 year old who promised his great-grandmother to keep the bears away while walking around the field at my parent's house go into strange neighborhoods to buy drugs. How can the pre-teen lead his other great-grandmother around the yard because he is afraid she will fall and hurt herself, lose so many friends to drug over doses or being shot during a drug deal gone wrong?
How can the man who fathered a beautiful baby boy turn his back in order to get high? How did it make sense to him to strap his infant son into a car seat and take him with him to find drugs?
He lost another friend this weekend to a heroin overdose. What made him think he could go to a bar and be okay
Where did it all go wrong?
I guess I am here right now because he sent me a text today saying that someone he knows from a meeting got him a job mowing yards today and that tomorrow he may have a job washing dishes in an up scale restaurant.
He said that he has been feeling guilty the last couple of days because of the relapse but has decided that he doesn't have to start over, he just needs to pick up where he left off.
This is what I sent back to him, "That's right. I was happy when you went back to sober living after you drank knowing that you would probably get busted and that you stuck around to deal with the consequences. That is a HUGE change in the way you have done business in the past. You could have decided to pick up again after you knew you were in trouble, but you didn't. For that I am thankful. You didn't fail if you learned something from it. If you did learn something and practice it everyday you make the demon of addiction just a smidge less powerful. I love you and I have faith and hope that you can do this. One day at a time."
He responded by saying, "I love you too mom".
I still have hope that tomorrow he will get up and put one foot in front of the other and walks the path of sobriety.
Sounds to me like maybe two people did something very well today. Your last sentence is good.
ReplyDeleteOh Terri I am praying that he will walk the path of sobriety. I too have gone over in my head the same scenarios where did it all go wrong, reading this made me cry. I am praying every day for you and your precious son.
ReplyDeleteLoved the text.
ReplyDeleteI have wondered about those same things many many times....I think its their sensitive spirits that make facing life head on really hard.
ReplyDeleteIts not perfect, but it sounds really good. It sounds like you both are walking out your own journeys individually, finding your way, and that is exactly as it should be. I too love the text.