The social worker from the rehab called this morning to say that everything is a go for my son to come there today. I worked with the hosptial staff to get the dischage taken care ASAP. I was acutally on my way out of the door to go to work when the call came.....sudden change of plans. I am lucky to work where I have leave time and an understanding boss.
I found myself a little irriated to have the "professionals" expalin to me about addiction and procedures. I know it is just because I am tired, normally I let them recite their script and just nod my head. When the person at the rehab explained that if he leaves before the end of treatment there are no refunds, I wanted to scream, "dammit! I know this!"
Anyway, when I was waiting for him to discharge from the hospital he was all giddy. Flirting with the older lady that was detoxing from alcohol and all of the nurses. After we left and he called for directions to the facility we were going to he deflated immediately. "Mom, I am going to be staying in the hood". Again, I wanted to scream, "Better there than dead in a ditch". I just nodded my head. Hell, I have picked him up from places scarier than where I left him today. What did he expect? Celebrity Rehab? Pools, sandy beaches?
I know, really I do. I am just so, so tired of all of this.
I am thankful that he is there. I am hopeful that he will take advantage of what they have to offer and make it his. I know only he can do it. He owns this. All I have left on my to do list is to let him know I love him and I am am very hopeful for him.
I know that I need to take care of me and somehow I will muster the energy to do that. Today I want to sit here and feel sorry for myself for a little while. That's okay isn't it?
Tomorrow I will get up and go to work and fake it until I get it together again. I feel like I am falling apart at the seams right now.
Thank you all for your supportive words. Once again I am not sure how I could get through these times without all of you that really understand what I am dealing with.
You are in Arkansas. There is no way you can't be somewhat close to a lake or small stream. It is 53 degrees right now in KC. I would hope you are least close to that weather. Get a cup of coffee at your favorite watering hole. Sit down next to a stream and listen to the water pass you by and stare at the brown foliage and think about what it will be like in 3 months. You don't have to fake that.
ReplyDeleteThat usually works for me.
Thanks, Ron. I asked my grandson's mom if I can pick him from daycare after work tomorrow. There is absolutely nothing to fake about that! :-)
DeleteThe feelings of entitlement and lack of awareness at how serious their situation is, always staggers me.
ReplyDeleteYes, by all means, give yourself some time to cry a good bone jarring cry and then snuggle with that precious grand baby...if the grown up little thing will let you. ;o) I've been thinking about you all day. Hang in there.
Thanks, Annette. I appreciate your thoughts. The grandson will let me snuggle for seconds at a time. I'll take that. He will also let me tickle him and hear him laugh belly laughs. I need that right now. :-)
DeleteBy all means just sit there or by a lake, or with your beautiful grandson. Just be kind to yourself. As I read about all of our kids with their addictions, I pray that they will 'wake up', before its to late..
ReplyDeleteI hope and pray he sticks to the program. Please take care of yourself.
It's tomorrow!!! You are seeing that adorable grandson and can bask in his childlike wonder and sweet love. How lucky are you??? I hope you have an awesome day!!!!
ReplyDeleteSheri, Thanks so much! The sun is shining today which really helps to improve my outlook. I can't wait to get that little boy this afternoon! I need a big hug from him.
DeleteThe grandson is just what you need - always works for me! I hope you had a wonderful time with him!! I hope something works for your son this time, you never know this might be it!? It took my son a long time but, I do think he is figuring it out at last. There is always hope!
ReplyDeleteAll I keep thinking is I never know when it will stick with my son. I think I am pretty strong most of the time but I do allow myself to cry like yesterday! I feel better when I do and exhaust myself and I think with a clearer mind. As upset as I am with my son, I still see that precious little boy who is desperate to be "normal". I hold on to that glimmer of hope.
ReplyDeleteOn an earlier post of yours you mention how you do not allow yourself to get too close. Since B has come home I have never allowed myself to get too close to him and I have always had my guard up. I think that has saved me for completely falling apart.
I think these rehabs should allow us to tell them the rules. There have been times I wanted so badly to say can we just get on with it please? I know about the rules, detox, the money and all the other stuff. Now WHERE DO I SIGN PLEASE!!!!
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I hope you find some peace while he is safe.