Calls you get at midnight are usually not good ones and the one I got last night falls into that category. The family that took my son in kicked him out because he stole from them. I am guess medication because the next thing that happened was that the police found him passed out in a ditch on the side of the road. They called an ambulance and he was taken to a nearby hospital.
The call I got at midnight was from the woman that found him passed out in the floor with the needle in his arm. I guess he called her to come and get him from the hospital. She took him to a psych. hospital. She called it rehab but all they will do for him there is let him detox. We have done that gig before.
He called just now and said he didn't want us to visit him there. I told him that I have no intentions of visiting him there.
He insinuated that I should help him by offering financial support because he is "trying" and without help he will never be able to get on his feet. I am about to blow a freaking gasket!
I know that if they are trying to get better that we as parents should support that. Can I support it from afar? I told him words are cheap and until I see some progress on his part that I don't want anything to do with him. Am I wrong? I am just so afraid to get close to it all again. I have no desire to be near him or "it" again. I want him to prove that he really wants something different before I invest anymore time or energy.
Terri. Its his recovery. Let him do it. With your love, but only your love.
ReplyDeleteIt is really hard to show love right now. I hurt so bad today. I'm so so sad.
DeleteI can hear the sadness out of your writing. Have you been to a counselor lately to help with these feelings? It is so important to take care of yourself. It is easy to get overwhelmed with this horrible disease. If he is really willing to get on the right path, there are numerous ways to go about it. The Salvation Army is one of them, but he knows this too. Don't support him financially until you have some proof of recovery. Stay strong and enjoy the little one!
ReplyDeleteI haven't been to a counselor lately. I might need to do that. My heart is beyond broken right now. I won't help him with anything right now. He needs to work this out himself. He knows what his resources are. He is lucky that he still has insurance with us. He was very abusive when he called the 3rd 4th and 5th time. After he knew I wasn't on the "i am so happy you are getting help" band wagon. I just want to crawl into a cave and never come out.
DeleteIt truly is very hard to balance how far to 'help' them. That 'what if' is always just a thought away. I too, read of such sadness from this post. Addiction is so hard on everyone. Your grandson is so lucky to have you in his life.
ReplyDeleteNope not wrong...manipulation is an addicts most powerful tool in their arsenal of coping skills. I think maybe becoming the consummate liar is probably the only skill that may top manipulation. God they are good at that. Imagine if they actually focused all that energy on having a life instead of wallowing addiction.
ReplyDeleteHe will figure things out. I have finally realized that if my son can be so resourceful to score his drugs , he certainly has the smarts to survive and get help on his own if he so chooses. If he does not, there is not anything I can do that will cahnge his situation.Perhaps that sounds kind of mean but I have in the past few months found it is the truth. I have not done anything to help him in any way. I text him from time to time and tell him I love him, but that's it. It took me YEARS to get to this point but I must say, I have some peace in my life right now and so does the rest of my family.
ReplyDeleteI read a great quote the other day..."I am a major part of my son's recovery by NOT being a part of his recovery."
Oh Terri, I am so sorry.
ReplyDelete