Doing the same old thing gets the same old thing: Regardless of who is doing the doing

When my parents agreed to let my son come and live with them after he left my uncle's house in November I know that they thought they had something to offer my son that no one had offered before. They felt they could offer structure while allowing him to live in a safe place. They thought he was ready to accept what they had to offer and work with them to move him to a better place in life. He played the game very well until his past caught up with him and they found out about his legal issues which included a suspended driver's license. The legal issues made it difficult for him to find work and when he did find a job it is so far away from my parent's home that one of them drives him to and from work. They drive 88 miles a day for him to earn minimum wage for 4 to 5 hours.

My parents are 72 and 69 years old and neither are in great health. They have raised 5 kids and several grandchildren. They have worked their whole lives. They are tired. When I feel a smidge of guilt about what they have tried to do for my son I have to remember that I didn't ask them to take him on and they took him in knowing why he can't live in my house.

My son has taken and taken from them but has not offered anything in return. He has to be reminded to clean up after himself and he huffs up when he is asked to help around the house. He is 24 years old acting like a 14 year old.  There is a lot to do because they live out in the country. There is always something that needs to be done, a fence mended, brush cleared, wood chopped and carried to the house. He gets mad when they tell him that he needs to pay for gas, that he will need to pay them back for the bond they covered for him. They bought a used car for him to drive that he can't drive because he can't get insurance because he has no license.

Exhausting right? We have all been there and done that. I thought I made it very clear over the years what I have been dealing with. I guess you really never know until you are dealing with it yourself.

My son got his first paycheck and took off with some guy that he met when he was "going to college" that one semester. He told my parents at the last minute. He was supposed to go back yesterday so that he can go to work today. He didn't show up. I  haven't heard from him. I know he came back to our part of the state. Money in his pocket, being back in his old stomping ground, transportation. None of this adds up to good.

My parents feel disrespected. They have been. My dad is obsessed with my son. I remember those days. My mom is exhausted and worried about money and my dad. I have been there too.

I appreciate them trying to help. My mom talked to me about my son just using them. I told her that he is, he has a warm place to live, plenty of food, a maid and chauffeur. Why should he make any changes? I suggested it might be time for him to find some place else to live.

She has threatened to drug test him if he shows up. I asked what happens when he tests positive. She said he would have to leave.

Exhausting.....when nothing changes, nothing changes.