It's Rodeo Time!

I am sad and happy at the same time to say this. My son is in an acute psychiatric hospital. I took him today after receiving a text early this morning that simply said, "BYE". This was after we had made plans to take him out for his birthday tomorrow evening. He turned 25 on Sunday, sent the text at 12:45 am. I didn't see it until I got out of bed for work.

We called his work this morning to see if he came in. Guess what? He lost his job last week. His boss was very apologetic and said that he really tried to work with him but he was coming to work high and simply could not function.

I tried to call his phone and he had turned it off. I went to his apartment and was really shocked that he came to the door. He looked awful. Pin point pupils, dirty, stinky, all of you POAs know what I am talking about.

I told him that we were worried that he had hurt himself. He said that he tried but it didn't work. He had taken a lot of different pills. He said he still wanted to die. That everyone would be better off without him. That he was worthless and useless. I assured him that there are many, many people who think otherwise. I told him to get his shoes on and I would take him to the hospital.

He did and got in my car then vacillated between, "I need to be there" to "I don't need this shit".

I told him that I would not make him go but that I would not turn around and take him back to his apartment to die and that I would not contribute to him killing himself. He would have to walk back from the parking lot of the hospital. Probably 10 or so miles.

It is never a fast process so the longer we waited the more agitated he became. He said that he wouldn't stay. I again told him that he would have to walk home if he didn't stay and at least do the intake and if they did the intake and said he needed to stay then he would have to stay or walk home.

I went back with him for the intake for about 5 minutes. He got irritated with me and started cursing so I told him that I would leave and wait in the waiting room

I did hear that he has been doing meth, alcohol and opiates, particularly heroin. He admitted that is why he lost his job. He told her that he still wanted to die and that he still has pills at home and still wants to be dead. He told the counselor that he hears voices and sometimes sees people that aren't really there.

After I paid the co-pay he decided again that he wouldn't stay. He went back and forth with this for the next hour. Finally he blamed me for him being there because I brought him there.

I told him that I was leaving and that he could do whatever he thought was the right thing to do. As I walked out the door the intake counselor followed me and handed me the "Parent Packet". I told her he was saying he wasn't going to stay. She said he had already signed himself in so he didn't have a choice at least for tonight.

I drove away with tears in my eyes. I may cry some more later but right now I know that I did what any mother or father of an addict would do. I love that little boy man. I hope that he does the right thing for him.