Here it goes. He sent a text this morning asking to borrow a $100 to hold him over to payday. He needs food, to do is laundry and he needs to get his bike fixed. The bike has had a flat for over a month now.
He said after paying child support, rent and paying for his son's birthday party that he is broke. He will pay us back from his annuity check that he will receive next week at some point.
I told him that we won't loan him cash but that I will buy some food for him, take his laundry home and do it over the weekend and bring it back to him and that his bike can wait until he gets paid.
His response was, "I guess I will have to do the only thing I know to do to get some money". To which I responded, "Okay".
I asked if he was at work. He responded that he is. "Working and still having to do something illegal to pay the bills". I assume he meant sell drugs but I didn't even respond to him.
He is going to do what he is going to do. I won't let him manipulate me.
Some days I wish I was naive and didn't realize what was going on but those days are long gone. I know that he is back on that dark path. I refuse to walk it with him again.
Terri, you did right. We would say the same thing to Alex. We would buy food and do things but no money. You are so right he will do whatever he is going to do.
ReplyDeleteThat is how Alex finally learned that there was nothing for him on the dark path. We never stopped loving him but we learned that we had to love ourselves enough to live for others too. We spent too long on the dark path with Alex. When he finally realized that the other path had so much more love than the path he was on he began his recovery.
Never give up on him, never stop loving him. But give him room enough to do what he needs to do.
Terri, you are really strong. I never gave my son cash ever when he was using, I would provide food for him to take home and that was the extent of it. When he was in between jobs I would put gas in his car never game him cash either. It really would piss me off when he used a line like your son did man they really do try to manipulate.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Ron never give up hope, the son I am speaking of has been clean and sober for 14 months just for today.
I just had to break my long standing rule of no cash, and handed over 40.00 for co-payments for out patient through the end of next week. She is 60 miles away and living and working as a house manager at her recovery facility that she just finished 60 days treatment in. I couldnt think of any other way to handle it. I think you handled it as perfectly as it could be handled Terri. I agree with Erin....you are so strong.
ReplyDeleteThere comes a day. I give Alex cash all the time now.
ReplyDeleteWhen they went on vacation last year we wanted them to have a couple treats on mom and dad so we gave him $200. When they went to Maryland he took the family out to a nice restaurant and got real crab cakes. They used the rest for McDonald's on the way there and back.
Thanks Ron for saying that. I am also so happy for Alex. What a transformation.
DeleteGood for you...I for one have nothing but respect for that decision.
ReplyDeleteThank you all. I was at complete peace with my decision. I won't contribute to his drug use. If he wants to risk losing a good job and his apartment and possibly his freedom so that he can get high he can do that without my help.
ReplyDeleteTerri, he had to walk his path and you walk yours. There is nothing wrong with that. Addicts are the worst managing money. I still give my daughter very little cash. I out gas in her car when she comes to see me. I paid to get her teeth fixed, but I called the dentist with my debit card number. I am still not comfortable handing over much cash. You are doing the right thing. If he gets a large amount next week and he is working right now, then he can find a way to make it till then. This is not you problem. Just love him and leave the rest up to him.
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