I got a message from a young woman that my son seems to always hook up with when he is deep in his addiction. She wants to "help" him. She does this by going to his apartment and cleaning for him and buying him food. Probably giving him money as well.
She told me that she stayed with him while he went through withdrawal and "took care of him". She left one morning only to come back and find him high. He is telling her he needs to be back in rehab. I told her that we gave him information and offered a ride if he could get in one. She said she is afraid he will overdose this time. I told her that we were afraid of that too.
I told her that I took him to a psychiatric hospital and he was there 4 days and as soon as he got out and got some money he was using again. I tried to convince her again this time that her focus should be on her and her kids (she has two young kids) not my son. I am wondering who has her kids while she is babysitting my son?
He sent his dad and me a text at 1:30 a.m. We don't check for text messages that late. If you really need to tell me something that late you better call and it better be important. My text just said, "Mom?" and Dad's just said, "Dad?". Later he sent one that asked me to call him when I woke up because he couldn't sleep and that something was eating his insides out. Meth will do that to a person.
I don't want to talk to him right now and I really don't want to see what he looks like. I know he is hurting, I know he doesn't like himself at all right now. I also know that there is not a damn thing I can do about it. This is his to take care of. I have to take care of myself and I know if I spoke to him or saw him that I would sprial back to a place that I don't ever want to go back to again.
I love him dearly and if I thought there was ANYTHING that I could do to fix him I would have done it years ago. It hurts to feel some helpless and not in control. I wish that a Power Ranger band aide would make it all better I'd buy a case of them.
I am holding on to hope. I read Ron's blog and see that his son is 3 years sober now, has a job, has a home and a family. I have hope that one day my son will have those things too.
It is so hard to let go. If you are truly afraid for his safety, you could call the sheriff or the police to do a welfare check. What they find is what they find....as in if drugs are laying out on the table, oh well. hopefully they will take him to jail. You know I say that in the spirit of getting him to a safe place...not just getting him in trouble or to punish him. Hang in there mama.
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