My grandson's mother called last night and we talked about me keeping him some this weekend. That makes my heart happy. She also told me that she is thinking that she might have to file a restraining order against my son. Apparently he was drunk/high on Sunday (remember when I didn't take his call?) and told a mutual friend of theirs that she should never let him visit with the baby unsupervised because my son had a melt down in front of the friend. He told the friend that it was good that we never left him alone with the baby because he would probably just f@#% him up. I took that to mean emotionally but the grandson's mother didn't know how to take it. She is afraid that my son my approach her and the baby when they are out in public and she doesn't know how to handle it. It is obvious that my son is not in a sober state right now and it is scary. I of course will support whatever she decides to do to keep the grandson safe. That is my primary concern right now.
After that conversation I went and dug out all my recovery meditation materials and started reading. I need constant reminders lately that I am not the only person to go through this with a child and that there is hope for serenity and peace. For me and for my son. I also need to be reminded that the only recovery that I can be responsible for is my own. I feel blessed to have some wonderful moms that read my blog and encourage me. I feel "loved up" every time I read their responses. I can love my son but I know that I can't fix him. I have tried for 7 years to fix him and I haven't done it yet. Time to let go and let God.
For today I will work to let go of my negative thoughts, Yaya referred to it as "stinking thinking", and focus on the beauty around me. I will be happy that my son is alive and I will lean on my higher power and trust that she will watch over me and my son and that there is a plan for both of us and it will unfold in its own time.
Peace to us all.
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