There isn't an instruction book for this

I am a little confounded. I'm not sure how I am "supposed" to feel right now. My son has been in jail for 3 days now. We haven't heard from him so he probably doesn't know we know where he is.

He has been in city jail before in our small community. This was because I pushed the issue. He was on probation for threatening a former girlfriend and he was not keeping his probation appointments and not paying fines or doing his community service work. The reason he wasn't doing these things is because he was staying high. He was selling his stuff to get money to buy drugs. I did what  a lot of us POAs do. I manipulated the situation and shamed the probation officer and convinced him that my son needed to learn a lesson. He was picked up and spent 6 days in city jail. That happened 5 years ago. Did my manipulation cause any changes in my son? Nope!

He has never been in the jail of the largest county jail in our state with a very diverse population. I don't know how he has avoided it, I really don't. I know he has been doing illegal things for most of the time he has lived there.

I don't really want to talk to him. That is my choice. I don't want to hear him whine and beg. This is his to deal with. Not mine.

I don't feel sad about him missing the holiday. He may have been with us during the holidays in the past but he wasn't really present. We have had to be on guard the whole time he was with us. Watching our belongings, watching him to see if he looked high, watching him with his son to make sure nothing bad happened because he was high. Actually, I am relieved that he won't be with us. Does that make me a bad mom?

I don't feel guilt because he is in jail. He put himself there, I didn't have a thing to do with it. I was miles away safely asleep in my own bed when he decided to rob that young woman. I have no desire, have not had one thought about posting his bond.

I do feel terribly sad that he continues down the path of self-destruction. I hope that he thinks about how he got to where he is at and decides to make some changes.

Well, as the saying goes, "Where there is life there is hope".