Profiles

My grandson spent a couple of nights with us over the weekend. He always wants to sleep with "gawanny" when he comes over and of course what "gawanny" can refuse a cute little fella anything? When he wakes up in the mornings he always asks, "Will you snuggle me?" well, of course!

This weekend I woke up and just watched him sleep for a little bit. Except for his curly hair his profile looks just like his dad's at that age. It made my heart hurt just a little to see the image of my son at the age of 3 right next to me. The innocent little boy before drugs. When I could still make things better for him with a kiss on the cheek and a Ninja Turtle bandage.

I haven't seen my son in about a month now and he showed up at my office today. Security let me know he was downstairs and asked if I wanted him to come up or if I just wanted him to wait there. I asked that they have him wait. I had no idea what shape in might be in or what he might want from me.

He was shaved and looked neat from a distance. When I got closer I could smell that he hadn't bathed in a day or so. He was thinner than he was the last time I saw him and very pale. I told him he looked really thin to me and he said it was because he walks everywhere he goes.

He wanted to know about Thanksgiving. I told him that if he could pass a drug test next Wednesday that he could ride with us to his grandparent's home with us. This is a 3 hour trip to and from. He said that he hasn't used in a couple of weeks now. I told him what I had heard from a couple of different people. Of course those are all lies. As he is calling BS on all those people I noticed a blood stain on the front of his shirt. SIGH....

Anyway, I set my boundary. It will be up to him to stay within that boundary. Will it be hard not to take him with us if he test positive? Yes, I am pretty sure it will be hard but I am ready to stick to my guns.

For today I know that he is alive. I keep repeating to myself that where there is life there is hope.