I have had a very stressful week at work. One of my co-workers had to take a leave of absence due to a problem with 20 year old son. I may blog about that at another time. So, I have had to take over her duties because I held her position for 5 years before moving on to my current job. So that is me. I can deal with me. :-)
My 19 year old daughter is having roommate issues and job issues. I handed that back to her today.
My 23 year old son who is the purpose of this blog called today about 5 times while I am busy dealing with an all day meeting with crap that is not really mine but I am dealing with. First he said he really needed to come here and see his son. I said instead of birthday money for my son I will pay for a bus ticket to come home and see his son on his birthday. Okay that was cool. Then he called and said he needed to come home sooner than that. I reminded him that he couldn't come here. He asked, "Not even until I get on my feet again?". I reminded him that we tried that and within 2 days he was getting high again. Oh, you all will be surprised to hear that he said it won't happen this time if we give him one more chance.
I can't do it again you guys. Am I wrong? I don't think I am.
The next thing he said was that he planned to go live with my uncle who offered him a job. I told him to get a bus ticket to the town closest to him and ask him to come and pick him up. My son was hesitant.
I can't help but think he wanted to get back here for not so good reasons.
I miss him, I love him but I can't have him here.
Peace and love to you all.
Terri,
ReplyDeleteYou have set healthy boundaries for yourself and from what I am reading they seem to be working for you. I think you are doing just right.
What I'd have said to Alex if he tried doing the same thing would be, "Because I love you so much I can't let you come here. You are doing what you need to do where you are and I am sure there are people there that are or can help you. I know I cannot help or do what you need. There are places we can meet, I miss you too but we cannot go to that place we have been so long."
I think your offer to give him a bus ticket on his birthday to see his son is a wonderful gift. It would be great for him to be a guest but we know what they say about guests and fish. LOL (after a couple days they both stink to have around)
Alex has actually been told and he understands. This is no longer his home he is a guest. Him and Kristy got in an argument one evening and he called and ask if he could spend the night. Darlene was stern, no you cannot come home for the night, you must settle your issues yourself with Kristy.
"I miss him, I love him but I can't have him here." Wonderful closing line.
Thank you Ron. I so appreciate your perspective. My son can never LIVE in my house again. He can visit here when he is sober. Tell Darlene that I appreciate her views as well.
DeleteYou are not wrong. Believe that.
ReplyDeleteGood job, Terri. You are 100% on the right track.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way about my daugher. I love her and miss her, but I could never have her back at my house again. She has not done anything to earn my trust back. It's like I owe her something because I am her mom. Well guess what, I don't. And neither do you owe anything to your son. If he wants to see his kid, he needs to make arrangement with his ex to do so. You are not a hotel but you are on the road to recovery. You know Terri, our kids chose this lifestyle, we did not.
ReplyDeleteI agree!
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