My son made it to my uncle's house. Two of my sisters made sure he got there. My mom called to tell me that he has been calling her for the past couple of weeks about what to do. Everyone feels good about this...I am apprehensive. I just don't want him to hurt anyone else.
I guess we will see what happens.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
This is what my baby sister said.....
My son contacted his aunt, my sister, about picking him up tomorrow. She chewed him a "new one" as they say. She is really calm and quiet, the last person anyone would expect to use foul language or raise her voice. I practically raised her so she is protective of me.
She told my son how much hell he has put me through and how he needed to grow up, how disrespectful of her and her family he has been. He was willing to come to her house wasted and expose her kids to that. More importantly, she told him that she loves him and will always love him and that he is part of her family and nothing will change that. However, she will distance herself and her children from him when he is in active addiction.
She surprised herself but I think she was proud of how she handled it. She did great. She agreed to pick him up tomorrow and get him to my uncle. She has a plan in place....no money, she will buy his lunch. If he screws up his is will never get anything from her again.
I feel guilty that the poison has touched someone else in my family.
I love my sister!
She told my son how much hell he has put me through and how he needed to grow up, how disrespectful of her and her family he has been. He was willing to come to her house wasted and expose her kids to that. More importantly, she told him that she loves him and will always love him and that he is part of her family and nothing will change that. However, she will distance herself and her children from him when he is in active addiction.
She surprised herself but I think she was proud of how she handled it. She did great. She agreed to pick him up tomorrow and get him to my uncle. She has a plan in place....no money, she will buy his lunch. If he screws up his is will never get anything from her again.
I feel guilty that the poison has touched someone else in my family.
I love my sister!
And here is me, kicking my own ass......
3:00 a.m. call from the bus station, "Mom, they are giving me a little trouble here".
Bus station guy, "Your son is very, very intoxicated and they are not going to let him on the bus. He has cuts and scratches all over his head, face and legs. We don't want to call the police, so he just needs to leave".
I thanked the guy and told him that this was my son's situation to handle and to tell my son that I didn't want to talk to him again tonight (morning).
I don't know what is going on with him. He could be in jail. He tends to be very belligerent when he is drunk or coming off of a high. He could be in the hospital....who knows???
I contacted my sister this morning to let her know what is going on and not to plan to go to the bus station. She said that if this is what is going on that she doesn't want him at her house around her kids. I told her that I don't want him at her house around her kids either.
Crap! Crap! Crap!
Update:
Still kicking my own ass but he is not in jail or on the street. He called from a phone number not known to me and said, "Mom, I am really f*&%ed right now". I told him he f&*#$ed himself this time. He tried to tell me he got jumped and his piece of crap phone was stolen and all his money was taken. I reminded him that he called me last night. He said, "From the bus station?". Yep, from the bus station, son. I told him he was going to just have to deal with it and hung up the phone then turned it off.
Bus station guy, "Your son is very, very intoxicated and they are not going to let him on the bus. He has cuts and scratches all over his head, face and legs. We don't want to call the police, so he just needs to leave".
I thanked the guy and told him that this was my son's situation to handle and to tell my son that I didn't want to talk to him again tonight (morning).
I don't know what is going on with him. He could be in jail. He tends to be very belligerent when he is drunk or coming off of a high. He could be in the hospital....who knows???
I contacted my sister this morning to let her know what is going on and not to plan to go to the bus station. She said that if this is what is going on that she doesn't want him at her house around her kids. I told her that I don't want him at her house around her kids either.
Crap! Crap! Crap!
Update:
Still kicking my own ass but he is not in jail or on the street. He called from a phone number not known to me and said, "Mom, I am really f*&%ed right now". I told him he f&*#$ed himself this time. He tried to tell me he got jumped and his piece of crap phone was stolen and all his money was taken. I reminded him that he called me last night. He said, "From the bus station?". Yep, from the bus station, son. I told him he was going to just have to deal with it and hung up the phone then turned it off.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
And the question is>>>>
"Can I please, please just come to your house for a few days?" and the answer is......"No".
I couldn't answer my phone today because of work so Dad had to be the one this time to give the answer. My son was very accusatory toward my husband. When I got a chance I called my son back. He told me that he had talked to his dad. I told him that I knew this and asked what his plan was.
He is getting on a bus at 3:00 a.m. tomorrow and is headed to the nearest bus station to my uncle who offered him a job and a place to live. My sister is going to pick him up and let him spend the night at her house and take him to my uncle the next day.
We started talking about how much the bus ticket would cost and he was short about $40. I told him since he had a plan that I would pay the remainder. Not sure if that was the right thing to do or not. He is trying to do something different so I feel like I want to help. I may kick my own ass later.
I thanked my sister and told her that I almost felt like I needed to come and get him and deal with it myself but that it wouldn't do either of us any good. She said that she wouldn't have let me come get him anyway. She is my baby sister so she was pretty brave to challenge me! LOL
So that is the plan. I pray that it works out for him. I will take my grandson to visit him at my uncle's house 2 hours away for a little while on Sunday.
Lord have mercy! Really....Lord Have Mercy!
I couldn't answer my phone today because of work so Dad had to be the one this time to give the answer. My son was very accusatory toward my husband. When I got a chance I called my son back. He told me that he had talked to his dad. I told him that I knew this and asked what his plan was.
He is getting on a bus at 3:00 a.m. tomorrow and is headed to the nearest bus station to my uncle who offered him a job and a place to live. My sister is going to pick him up and let him spend the night at her house and take him to my uncle the next day.
We started talking about how much the bus ticket would cost and he was short about $40. I told him since he had a plan that I would pay the remainder. Not sure if that was the right thing to do or not. He is trying to do something different so I feel like I want to help. I may kick my own ass later.
I thanked my sister and told her that I almost felt like I needed to come and get him and deal with it myself but that it wouldn't do either of us any good. She said that she wouldn't have let me come get him anyway. She is my baby sister so she was pretty brave to challenge me! LOL
So that is the plan. I pray that it works out for him. I will take my grandson to visit him at my uncle's house 2 hours away for a little while on Sunday.
Lord have mercy! Really....Lord Have Mercy!
Friday, August 17, 2012
...and this is what happened today.....
I have had a very stressful week at work. One of my co-workers had to take a leave of absence due to a problem with 20 year old son. I may blog about that at another time. So, I have had to take over her duties because I held her position for 5 years before moving on to my current job. So that is me. I can deal with me. :-)
My 19 year old daughter is having roommate issues and job issues. I handed that back to her today.
My 23 year old son who is the purpose of this blog called today about 5 times while I am busy dealing with an all day meeting with crap that is not really mine but I am dealing with. First he said he really needed to come here and see his son. I said instead of birthday money for my son I will pay for a bus ticket to come home and see his son on his birthday. Okay that was cool. Then he called and said he needed to come home sooner than that. I reminded him that he couldn't come here. He asked, "Not even until I get on my feet again?". I reminded him that we tried that and within 2 days he was getting high again. Oh, you all will be surprised to hear that he said it won't happen this time if we give him one more chance.
I can't do it again you guys. Am I wrong? I don't think I am.
The next thing he said was that he planned to go live with my uncle who offered him a job. I told him to get a bus ticket to the town closest to him and ask him to come and pick him up. My son was hesitant.
I can't help but think he wanted to get back here for not so good reasons.
I miss him, I love him but I can't have him here.
Peace and love to you all.
My 19 year old daughter is having roommate issues and job issues. I handed that back to her today.
My 23 year old son who is the purpose of this blog called today about 5 times while I am busy dealing with an all day meeting with crap that is not really mine but I am dealing with. First he said he really needed to come here and see his son. I said instead of birthday money for my son I will pay for a bus ticket to come home and see his son on his birthday. Okay that was cool. Then he called and said he needed to come home sooner than that. I reminded him that he couldn't come here. He asked, "Not even until I get on my feet again?". I reminded him that we tried that and within 2 days he was getting high again. Oh, you all will be surprised to hear that he said it won't happen this time if we give him one more chance.
I can't do it again you guys. Am I wrong? I don't think I am.
The next thing he said was that he planned to go live with my uncle who offered him a job. I told him to get a bus ticket to the town closest to him and ask him to come and pick him up. My son was hesitant.
I can't help but think he wanted to get back here for not so good reasons.
I miss him, I love him but I can't have him here.
Peace and love to you all.
Friday, August 10, 2012
He Called Tonight
He says he is done, he says he needs something different, he says he is tired. He says he needs to slow down.
I said that he can't come back here, I said that I won't pay for him to get back here, I told him that I am glad that he knows he needs something different. I told him that I love him and that I know he will make the right choice for him.
I know that I did the right thing.
Peace to you all.
I said that he can't come back here, I said that I won't pay for him to get back here, I told him that I am glad that he knows he needs something different. I told him that I love him and that I know he will make the right choice for him.
I know that I did the right thing.
Peace to you all.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Looking Back
Really we shouldn't look back I guess but I just spent a minute looking at my blog posts for this time last year. I had only been blogging for about 3 months at that time. When reading my reactions to the situation with my son I almost don't recognize myself.
I was in a terrible world of heartbreak. I can see that I was trying to control the disease and "fix" my son. I felt responsible for everything and everyone involved. My son's addiction consumed me. If it weren't for the guidance of some very straight forward speaking blogging family I don't know that I would have made it through those months.
I have said thank you before and I want to say it again today. Thank you all for commenting and offering your own experiences to me. I have grown through my recovery, today I feel more in control of myself and my emotions. I have learned how to say no and mean it. With your help, I have learned that I can love my son and do nothing to save him because that is not my job...that work belongs to him.
Peace for us all.
I was in a terrible world of heartbreak. I can see that I was trying to control the disease and "fix" my son. I felt responsible for everything and everyone involved. My son's addiction consumed me. If it weren't for the guidance of some very straight forward speaking blogging family I don't know that I would have made it through those months.
I have said thank you before and I want to say it again today. Thank you all for commenting and offering your own experiences to me. I have grown through my recovery, today I feel more in control of myself and my emotions. I have learned how to say no and mean it. With your help, I have learned that I can love my son and do nothing to save him because that is not my job...that work belongs to him.
Peace for us all.
Monday, August 6, 2012
SURPRISE! Not really.....
My son had talked about coming to visit his son this past weekend. Other than to say that was his plan he didn't do anything else to make it happen. He may have thought I would come through with money for a bus or plane ticket. I didn't.
He did call and get to hear his son playing at our house on Saturday and again on Sunday. He ended both calls in tears. He says that he misses his son so much that he plans to move back to our area. I'm not sure how he plans to do that. It really isn't my business is it?
I know that he misses his son. I didn't take this opportunity to say, "You made the choices that got you where you are and now you have to deal with it". I didn't even want to say those things. It is pretty apparent that he is hurting enough without me adding to it. There is no doubt in my mind that he knows that he is responsible for where he is. The only thing I said was, "I know you will make the best decision for you". I also let him know that I love him.
I think the old me would have bought a ticket or would have driven 5 hours to pick him up and 5 hours to bring him here. That isn't my responsibility. I would love for him to have a relationship with his son, he has to want that too and be willing to work for it. He has been resourceful in finding ways to get to music festivals and finding drugs or booze. If he wants to see his son he will find the way to do it. I believe it will mean more to him if he works it out on his own.
Praying for all of yours and you.
He did call and get to hear his son playing at our house on Saturday and again on Sunday. He ended both calls in tears. He says that he misses his son so much that he plans to move back to our area. I'm not sure how he plans to do that. It really isn't my business is it?
I know that he misses his son. I didn't take this opportunity to say, "You made the choices that got you where you are and now you have to deal with it". I didn't even want to say those things. It is pretty apparent that he is hurting enough without me adding to it. There is no doubt in my mind that he knows that he is responsible for where he is. The only thing I said was, "I know you will make the best decision for you". I also let him know that I love him.
I think the old me would have bought a ticket or would have driven 5 hours to pick him up and 5 hours to bring him here. That isn't my responsibility. I would love for him to have a relationship with his son, he has to want that too and be willing to work for it. He has been resourceful in finding ways to get to music festivals and finding drugs or booze. If he wants to see his son he will find the way to do it. I believe it will mean more to him if he works it out on his own.
Praying for all of yours and you.
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