I can't tell any of my DNA related family this yet but I think I can get away with telling you guys. My oldest son and his wife are going to have a baby!!!! They have been married 6 years and have been trying to have a baby for the last 3 years. I am so happy for them and excited to be a granny to two kiddos!
Happy Sunday!
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Monday, July 16, 2012
It's been a little bit.
I really haven't had a lot of contact with my son lately. I'll get a text or a message on Facebook but I seldom speak to him on the phone. If I am not in the mood to talk to him I just don't answer the phone. It has been almost two full months since I saw him last. As far as I know he is still living out of state.
The last crisis he had was typical for him. He lost his job, was living with some guy, and had taken a job doing some painting for a woman. The crisis occurred when the friend supposedly was asking him to move out and the lady wasn't paying him for his work. He said he had nothing to eat and soon no place to live.....etc. I told him that coming back to our home wasn't an option. I told him that he is very resourceful and that he knows people all over the country and suggested that he start talking to some of them that do have jobs and might have a lead for him. I offered to contact my uncle who is in construction (who is in recovery after many, many mishaps and lost relationships) if he had any work for him. I did contact my uncle who did not hesitate to offer him work and place to stay even after hearing about his drug addiction.
I guess kiddo got to thinking about working out in the sun for long hours every single day and got busy finding another job. He is now supposedly working in a bar as a server. Not an ideal location for an addict to be working, or maybe it is the perfect place for an addict to be working. I guess it depends on whose view point you are looking at it from. The job with my uncle would have gotten him closer to his child and he would have had a place to stay and food to eat. To me this is a sign that he isn't ready yet to work on another way of life.
In the past week he has started talk about coming to visit his son. I know without a doubt that during his sober moments that he misses him terribly. I told him that he would have to finance the trip this time. I paid for the bus ticket the last time he came for more than a few hours and that didn't work out very well for any of us. If he does manage to get to town I think I will take my friend Ron's advice and put him in a hotel and allow him only to visit a prescribed amount of time each day he is in town. My opinion is that will be money well spent and the best thing for my mental health. I can't rest when he is in my house. I know I don't have to explain that to any of you who have lived with an addict in your home.
Anyway, this is what is going on with him as far as I know. He says he isn't using, but I suspect that he is.
On a more happy note, I was able to have my grandson at my house all weekend!! I took him to daycare this morning. I will miss him until I see him again but on the other hand, Granny could use some rest!
Hope you all have a good week. I have you all in my thoughts and prayers.
The last crisis he had was typical for him. He lost his job, was living with some guy, and had taken a job doing some painting for a woman. The crisis occurred when the friend supposedly was asking him to move out and the lady wasn't paying him for his work. He said he had nothing to eat and soon no place to live.....etc. I told him that coming back to our home wasn't an option. I told him that he is very resourceful and that he knows people all over the country and suggested that he start talking to some of them that do have jobs and might have a lead for him. I offered to contact my uncle who is in construction (who is in recovery after many, many mishaps and lost relationships) if he had any work for him. I did contact my uncle who did not hesitate to offer him work and place to stay even after hearing about his drug addiction.
I guess kiddo got to thinking about working out in the sun for long hours every single day and got busy finding another job. He is now supposedly working in a bar as a server. Not an ideal location for an addict to be working, or maybe it is the perfect place for an addict to be working. I guess it depends on whose view point you are looking at it from. The job with my uncle would have gotten him closer to his child and he would have had a place to stay and food to eat. To me this is a sign that he isn't ready yet to work on another way of life.
In the past week he has started talk about coming to visit his son. I know without a doubt that during his sober moments that he misses him terribly. I told him that he would have to finance the trip this time. I paid for the bus ticket the last time he came for more than a few hours and that didn't work out very well for any of us. If he does manage to get to town I think I will take my friend Ron's advice and put him in a hotel and allow him only to visit a prescribed amount of time each day he is in town. My opinion is that will be money well spent and the best thing for my mental health. I can't rest when he is in my house. I know I don't have to explain that to any of you who have lived with an addict in your home.
Anyway, this is what is going on with him as far as I know. He says he isn't using, but I suspect that he is.
On a more happy note, I was able to have my grandson at my house all weekend!! I took him to daycare this morning. I will miss him until I see him again but on the other hand, Granny could use some rest!
Hope you all have a good week. I have you all in my thoughts and prayers.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Swapping Stories
In addition to embracing the empty nest idea today, I also had the opportunity to talk to one of my daughter's friends who recently left rehab and is headed to a sober living facility.
She knows about my son and she knows I know about her. Both are opiate addicts. We shared some things and then she said, "It is really weird that my family feels on guard when I am around. My sister bought a safe and locks all her stuff up when I am there". I told her that I have a safe because if of my son. She said that she hates that they feel that way now that she is sober. I told her that it would take a while for them to trust her again but that she could earn that back.
I also told her that I feel like it is my duty as parent to lock my stuff up, not to protect my stuff but to protect my son. I don't want to put temptation out there for him. She thought about that for a minute and nodded her head at me. I have known her since she was eleven. She is 19 now.
She is a beautiful young women who knows way too much about the world for someone her age.
I'll pray for her tonight extra and continue to pray for all of ours.
She knows about my son and she knows I know about her. Both are opiate addicts. We shared some things and then she said, "It is really weird that my family feels on guard when I am around. My sister bought a safe and locks all her stuff up when I am there". I told her that I have a safe because if of my son. She said that she hates that they feel that way now that she is sober. I told her that it would take a while for them to trust her again but that she could earn that back.
I also told her that I feel like it is my duty as parent to lock my stuff up, not to protect my stuff but to protect my son. I don't want to put temptation out there for him. She thought about that for a minute and nodded her head at me. I have known her since she was eleven. She is 19 now.
She is a beautiful young women who knows way too much about the world for someone her age.
I'll pray for her tonight extra and continue to pray for all of ours.
The Sparrow has Left the Nest
My 19 year old daughter has moved into an apartment with a friend 3 hours from here. This is the first time she has tried living "on her own". We agreed to help her out for 3 months, in the mean time she is to find a job and start paying her own way. Unless she decides she is ready to go back to school in which case we will be more than happy to contribute.
She has been gone a month. She has never been away that long before. I told my mom that I really am not missing her yet because she has been able to torment me from afar. LOL She is so funny. She called one night to say that they don't have Internet and she doesn't understand why. I asked if they were paying for it and I got silence. I informed her that it isn't free and that you had to pay a monthly charge for that. "Ohhhhh." was her response.
I received a text from her this week saying that all she has had to eat in a week was Ra men noodles and maybe this living away from home thing wasn't as luxurious has she thought it would be. I responded by telling her that there is really nothing luxurious about being poor.
I love my daughter to pieces and it is really kind of fun watching her learn her way around. Of course she wants it all yesterday. She is after all the baby of the family and pretty much has had everything she wanted handed to her on whatever color platter she asked for.
I think if it weren't for the things that I have learned in dealing with my son's addiction that I would have swooped down already, packed her little self up and brought her home. That super mom cape has be retired. I am willing to see her struggle in order to become self sufficient and proud of herself.
I haven't figured out yet what everyone talks about when they talk about the empty nest syndrome. I am kind of diggin not having kids at home. Just sayin'. :-)
Happy Tuesday to you all.
She has been gone a month. She has never been away that long before. I told my mom that I really am not missing her yet because she has been able to torment me from afar. LOL She is so funny. She called one night to say that they don't have Internet and she doesn't understand why. I asked if they were paying for it and I got silence. I informed her that it isn't free and that you had to pay a monthly charge for that. "Ohhhhh." was her response.
I received a text from her this week saying that all she has had to eat in a week was Ra men noodles and maybe this living away from home thing wasn't as luxurious has she thought it would be. I responded by telling her that there is really nothing luxurious about being poor.
I love my daughter to pieces and it is really kind of fun watching her learn her way around. Of course she wants it all yesterday. She is after all the baby of the family and pretty much has had everything she wanted handed to her on whatever color platter she asked for.
I think if it weren't for the things that I have learned in dealing with my son's addiction that I would have swooped down already, packed her little self up and brought her home. That super mom cape has be retired. I am willing to see her struggle in order to become self sufficient and proud of herself.
I haven't figured out yet what everyone talks about when they talk about the empty nest syndrome. I am kind of diggin not having kids at home. Just sayin'. :-)
Happy Tuesday to you all.
Monday, June 25, 2012
A Hard Few Days
My favorite uncle passed away rather suddenly last Friday. I spent two days in ICU with my family while he was on a ventilator. He and his twin brother were only 7 years older than me and we spent a lot of time together growing up. They taught me to ride a bike, walk on stilts, put a worm on a hook, shoot a BB gun. You know, all those important things a girl needs to know. I will miss him terribly but feel blessed to have such wonderful memories of spending summers and holidays with them.
My uncle was an alcoholic. He drank everyday since he was 18 years old. Suprisingly, his liver was not damaged terribly and while I am sure his drinking contributed to his inability to fight off the infection that killed him, it was not the primary cause of death. I guess it seldom really is.
It is uncanny that my son should call today, the day of the funeral, to tell me he can't make it where he is anymore. He says he is not getting paid from his job, may be homeless soon, etc. but that he is trying soooo hard to make it. I think this is the chorus of a song that I have heard so many times before.
I am so tired today. I need to get off the merry-go-round for a little while.
My uncle was an alcoholic. He drank everyday since he was 18 years old. Suprisingly, his liver was not damaged terribly and while I am sure his drinking contributed to his inability to fight off the infection that killed him, it was not the primary cause of death. I guess it seldom really is.
It is uncanny that my son should call today, the day of the funeral, to tell me he can't make it where he is anymore. He says he is not getting paid from his job, may be homeless soon, etc. but that he is trying soooo hard to make it. I think this is the chorus of a song that I have heard so many times before.
I am so tired today. I need to get off the merry-go-round for a little while.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Killing the Fatted Calf
If you guys remember your Sunday school lessons you will know the story of the Prodigal Son. The boy took everything his father could give him and took off into the world on his own, doing everything his way. After he lost everything he decided to come home.
His father saw him coming up the road, unshaven, dirty and undernourished and went to him and embraced him and welcomed him home. He ordered the servants to bring him clothes and to kill the biggest calf so that they could have a party to celebrate his return.
My son was in the state over the weekend and called the night before last to ask if I could help him see his son. The stipulation on my part is that he had to work it out with his son's mom, not show up until I was home from work, he had to be sober, he was not to ask for money when he got there and he was not allowed to spend the night at the house or on the property.
I didn't offer him food, drink, clothing or place to sleep. While I was glad to see that he is alive and was happy that he was sober while there, I was really not happy to see him. If that makes sense at all. I was tense the whole time he was there and was ready for him to leave after about 30 minutes. He stayed about an hour and a half.
I pray to get to the point that I want to throw a party when my son comes to my house. I want to cook all his favorite foods and enjoy his company and ask questions about his life. I want him to feel welcome. I want to watch my grandson play with his dad like he knows that he will see him very soon instead of like he has to get in all his playing in a couple of hours because who knows when he will see his daddy again.
It sorted reminded me of someone giving a kid an ice cream cone letting him have a few licks and then taking it away. My heart broke when I watched my grandson clutch his dad when it was time for my son to leave.
Ugh! It is just easier to deal with when he stays away.
Praying for yours and mine today.
His father saw him coming up the road, unshaven, dirty and undernourished and went to him and embraced him and welcomed him home. He ordered the servants to bring him clothes and to kill the biggest calf so that they could have a party to celebrate his return.
My son was in the state over the weekend and called the night before last to ask if I could help him see his son. The stipulation on my part is that he had to work it out with his son's mom, not show up until I was home from work, he had to be sober, he was not to ask for money when he got there and he was not allowed to spend the night at the house or on the property.
I didn't offer him food, drink, clothing or place to sleep. While I was glad to see that he is alive and was happy that he was sober while there, I was really not happy to see him. If that makes sense at all. I was tense the whole time he was there and was ready for him to leave after about 30 minutes. He stayed about an hour and a half.
I pray to get to the point that I want to throw a party when my son comes to my house. I want to cook all his favorite foods and enjoy his company and ask questions about his life. I want him to feel welcome. I want to watch my grandson play with his dad like he knows that he will see him very soon instead of like he has to get in all his playing in a couple of hours because who knows when he will see his daddy again.
It sorted reminded me of someone giving a kid an ice cream cone letting him have a few licks and then taking it away. My heart broke when I watched my grandson clutch his dad when it was time for my son to leave.
Ugh! It is just easier to deal with when he stays away.
Praying for yours and mine today.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Does anyone else do this?
Sometimes I glance up at the clock on my computer at the 10:13 and think, "That's my son's birthday". He was born on October 13, 1988. You would think that was a Friday with all the misadventures he has had in his life, but it was a beautiful, cool, crisp, Thursday morning. He weighed 7 lbs and 15 oz. and was the most beautiful new born I'd ever seen.
He was born with a bowel obstruction and had to have some tests done and I couldn't see him for more than 12 hours after he was born. I remember calling and asking the nurse to bring him to me several times. He was fine and didn't require surgery and we actually ended up going home the next day.
He grew into a vivacious, active, inquisitive beautiful toddler. His grade school years were tough because he had a hard time sitting still and paying attention. We had numerous conferences with his various teachers. When he was in the 4th grade his teacher told us he was a "delight" to have in her class. I profusely thanked the teacher with tears in my eyes....she must have thought I was nuts. Little did she know. ;-)
Middle school was hell for us all. He really got in to being the "cool" guy and doing school work was not cool. His teachers loved him but he just wouldn't do what needed to be done to get good grades. They all said he was capable. One teacher suggested I show up and spend the day at school in his classrooms and follow him through his day. He was mortified when I showed up and took my seat in his first morning class. His friends all thought it was "cool" that I was there and by lunch time he was asking me to sit with him in the cafeteria! Go figure!
Jr. High and through the tenth grade....well, he might as well not showed up at all. He ended up leaving school mid term of the 11th grade and getting his GED. He yelled at me one time and asked why I didn't make him go to school. I told him other than chain myself to him and drag him from class to class I did everything I knew to do. I dropped him off at the front door and he would walk out the back door.
Anyway, I just glanced at the clock and it is 10:13. I sure do miss my little boy.
Wishing us all peace today.
He was born with a bowel obstruction and had to have some tests done and I couldn't see him for more than 12 hours after he was born. I remember calling and asking the nurse to bring him to me several times. He was fine and didn't require surgery and we actually ended up going home the next day.
He grew into a vivacious, active, inquisitive beautiful toddler. His grade school years were tough because he had a hard time sitting still and paying attention. We had numerous conferences with his various teachers. When he was in the 4th grade his teacher told us he was a "delight" to have in her class. I profusely thanked the teacher with tears in my eyes....she must have thought I was nuts. Little did she know. ;-)
Middle school was hell for us all. He really got in to being the "cool" guy and doing school work was not cool. His teachers loved him but he just wouldn't do what needed to be done to get good grades. They all said he was capable. One teacher suggested I show up and spend the day at school in his classrooms and follow him through his day. He was mortified when I showed up and took my seat in his first morning class. His friends all thought it was "cool" that I was there and by lunch time he was asking me to sit with him in the cafeteria! Go figure!
Jr. High and through the tenth grade....well, he might as well not showed up at all. He ended up leaving school mid term of the 11th grade and getting his GED. He yelled at me one time and asked why I didn't make him go to school. I told him other than chain myself to him and drag him from class to class I did everything I knew to do. I dropped him off at the front door and he would walk out the back door.
Anyway, I just glanced at the clock and it is 10:13. I sure do miss my little boy.
Wishing us all peace today.
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