One of the worst tortures I think a POA can put themselves through is to look through old photos of our addicted child.
I was looking for a specific photo of an old truck that I took several years ago. It was a pretty cool black and white shot, with FILM, of an old antique truck. My husband wants to use it for a flyer for a poetry reading he is promoting.
To get to those 3 or 4 photos I had to go through hundreds of others. I am not the most organized person, I try sometimes but usually get distracted by something else. Look there goes a puppy......
It is really hard to look at pictures of my son when he was younger and untouched by drugs. I realized tonight that you can really see the progression from innocent little boy to the young teen who is experimenting to eventually the addicted man that he has become. I don't know why I couldn't see it then. It doesn't matter now does it, would it have made a difference then? Maybe, maybe not.
Today, I am just thankful that he chose life again for another 24 hours.
I went through a similar situation when I found an old album last week. I can see the person I was before and the person I was during. It makes me sad and I creates a longing for possibilities long past. The drug part of my life is a total blur if it weren't for the photos most of it would be forgotten and some part of me doesn't want to forget, so once in a while I find myself looking at old photos of myself.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing that.
DeleteI have a picture hanging on my wall in the hallway, a big wall of family pictures, and there is my girl, about 3 years old, holding her baby sister in the bath tub with her head thrown back, laughing. It is a picture of sheer joy. I love it, and it makes me sad all at the same time. But I leave it where it hangs because that was real. She once was that sweet happy child.
ReplyDeleteAll that to say, I get this post on a deep level.
I have a 20x30 senior photo of my son on my great room wall. I've recently discovered he was high in that photo. I see it every day, and it makes me sad. I'll take his sweet baby/childhood photos any day...but I feel what you are saying.
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