That dog won't hunt anymore....

I'm admitting my southern raising with that phrase. It is just another way of saying, "this isn't working with/for me anymore."

My son called today and said he needed money for food. When I asked if they served any meals at the place he is at he said they didn't really, well maybe a sack lunch. And by the way, he needs it to do his laundry because he doesn't have any clean clothes. I told him I would come by during my lunch break.

He was waiting for me when I walked in. I told him that I wouldn't give him money but that I would take him to get some stuff. He sort of deflated at that but he followed me to the car anyway. He asked me why I didn't want to give him money. I just looked at him and said, "I think we both know that answer".  He didn't say anything else about that. He did hint that it was going to be hard to get a job if he didn't have a phone. I didn't offer a suggestion about that. Later he told me that he gave my phone number at a couple of places. I told him that I would get in touch with him if I get a call.

When we got to the store I told him to go shop and that I would meet him in about 30 minutes.When I went to look for him I heard his laugh then I heard a familiar voice. I walked past the aisle they were in without looking but I could here them talking about "meetings" and this familiar voice said that he goes to one that is alright and there are a lot of pretty girls there. I walked a few aisles further away. I didn't want to hear anymore of the conversation. At least this guy was talking to him about attending meetings.

He passed the shopping cart off to me and it looked like he was thoughtful about the kinds of stuff that he bought. Nothing extravagant, nothing that needed to be refrigerated, and enough to feed him for the rest of the week if he takes advantage of the two meals they do provide. I found that out by calling a woman that I know who is in recovery and who went through the same program. She also set me straight about giving him money, DON'T DO IT! Maybe 5 bucks to do his laundry once a week but nothing significant. I know this but it was good to be reminded.

He asked me if I had seen his friend that he was talking to in the store. I told him that I hadn't. His friend is one I wrote about a couple of months ago whose parents were very concerned for his safety. The guy is a very talented, good looking young man but he was also lost in the world of heroin addiction. Now, this friend is also in a chem free living facility that is not far from where my son is. I'm not sure this is a good thing, but maybe it is. I don't know, only time will tell.

My son is very sad. It is good that he can feel this sadness instead of putting the balm of heroin on it. I have hope that he will hold on and try to work the program. I have hope he will continue to chose life.