I picked my son up from his chem free living facility today during my lunch break to go and get a hair cut. One of the things I don't mind shelling out money for. I hesitated before handing him the $20 to pay for the cut but I didn't want him to have to walk in with his mom and have me pay for it in front of other people. Instead I waited int he parking lot until I saw him walk to a chair.
He looked great and seemed very pleased with himself. He even let them trim his beard up. He accounted for the money, $16 for the haircut and $4 for the tip. It is easy to be a big tipper with someone else's money. Hey, at least he thought to tip her.
I told him that I will come and pick him up on Saturday morning so that he can visit with his son for a few hours. He hasn't seen him in two months. I also told him that his brother and sister-in-law are bringing the new baby to meet him. He said it will be hard for him to be around them and that he had a dream that his sister-in-law wouldn't allow him to hold the baby. I told him that they weren't ashamed of him to which he responded, "I am. I am so embarrassed this time. I haven't really reached out to anyone that I know because I am so ashamed". My heart hurts for him.
He needs to find a job soon and he seems to have a lead on some things. I hope that something pans out for him pretty quickly. He will have to walk or ride the bus to get to and from work so that might limit some options. He seems to be thinking through things and that is good. He is not knee jerk responding as he has in the past.
I am trying hard not to read anything into his words or actions I am just reveling in the fact that today my son is choosing life and for this I am thankful.
Him feeling ashamed made me tear up....it is hard. BUT, I think when our addicts feel ashamed, and humbled by their actions and the continuing love of their families...that is a HUGE step in the right direction. They don't feel that they deserve it, or that they are the victim, or have an excuse for their poor behavior. They just own it and feel it and while that is so hard, for them to do and for us to watch, it is so necessary. Bless his heart. He is walking his journey. I am cheering him on here in Ca. :o)
ReplyDeleteThank you! That means a lot to me. We told him that he has people all over praying for him. He said, "Prayer helps".
DeleteAlex went through the same thing and feelings. I agree completely with Annette. You can tell him like I told Alex. "Embarrassment and shame cannot hold a candle to love. Allow your sisters to love you and you love them in return and your embarrassment and shame will quickly not even be an issue."
ReplyDeleteThanks for those words! I will use them!
DeleteMy heart hurts for our addicts too. My daughter has no contact with any of her old friends. When I asked her why she said that she is ashamed. The ones who did not become addicted, most of them followed their careers and now have little families and nice place to live in. She is totally depending on her dad since she lives under his roof with her family. I keep telling her that at least she has reached out to her family and everyone loves her and encourages her. New friends will come in time. There is so much to work through on so may levels. I just keep telling her, one step at a time and one day at a time.
ReplyDeleteAmen! Amen! That is all any of us can handle. Thank you!
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