Dad - A Title to be Earned

I have been spending a lot of time on the road with my grandson lately. I take him to my parents home to visit with his dad, my son. My son has visitation the first weekend of the month, which is to be supervised by me and/or my husband. Lately, my son has been seeing his son a little more often because of the holidays and because I have a good relationship with my grandson's mother.

My mom and dad live about 3 hours away so when we go we spend the entire weekend. I spent 5 days there during Thanksgiving. I don't mind right now but I imagine it will get old after a bit. Hopefully my son will be able to get his driver's license back pretty soon and can come to visit his son at my house occasionally.

It is very important to me that my son have lots of contact with his son now that he has been sober for awhile. It is not always an easy visit. My son doesn't really understand that just the fact that he fathered this child does not mean he immediately becomes "Daddy" in more than name only. They are beginning to click as father and son but mostly "Daddy" is just a name that my grandson calls his dad. I know that this makes my son sad sometimes. I keep reminding him that this time that he has with his son should be used for building a relationship.

My grandson is only 27 months old. For probably 23 of those months my son was absent. He was either absent because he was high or actually physically absent. He missed out on those early days of bonding with his son and learning the things that his son likes and doesn't like. He has had to ask what kind of gifts to buy for his son on special occasions. He doesn't know how to play with him and has unreasonable expectations. He wants a two year old to sit and watch TV for more than a few minutes at a time. He thinks he should be able to just tell him not to do something and that he should know what that he means. My son takes a very stern voice with the grandson at times when it is not necessary. When my grandson wants to come to me, or my dad instead of him, my son gets his feelings hurt. He doesn't understand that this is pretty typical toddler behavior.

He has a lot to learn. I have suggested that he do some research on child development. My family and I are here to support his learning and we want to nurture the relationship between the two of them. He lost a lot of time early and he will never get that back. If he can stay sober and continue to move forward he can build a strong loving relationship with his son and earn the right to be not only called "Daddy" but to actually be his son's Dad.