He is gone!

My son left yesterday to begin his journey in another state. I wish this journey included a recovery program but it doesn't. He says he has a job and a place to stay when he gets there. He seems to think everything will be different there. I hope that he is right.

We allowed him to come to our home on Friday to stay the night with his son. He was supposed to leave on Saturday morning to go to the new place. His friends were paying for a bus ticket and were planning to take him to the bus station. I knew it wouldn't be this simple. He waited too late to get to the bus station so the trip was delayed until Sunday morning and of course he needed a ride because the other folks wigged out.

The last binge he went on he lost every piece of clothing that he owned. He literally only had the clothes on his back. I took him to Goodwill to get a few things and our local box discount store for what he couldn't get there. He left with more clothes than he has had in the past two years. How long will he have them, who knows?

It amazes me how he walks off and leaves everything without a second thought. His clothes and now his son too. I have been struggling with that a little. I don't get it. My husband and I weren't always the perfect parents but we were always there for our kids.

When we thought he was leaving on Saturday his dad gave him cash for the trip. We had agreed to do that beforehand but I didn't know that his dad had already given him the money and told him he could keep the bus fare the friends gave him and that we would buy the ticket on line and he could use that money for the trip. He didn't bother to tell me that his dad had already given him $50 for the trip. So, he had about $170 in is pocket at one point. Of course he had to go and see a "friend" for a little bit Saturday evening. I am sure you know what condition he came back in. I didn't confront him I just told him he needed to be up and ready when it was time to leave in the a.m.

He was able to get himself up and his stuff in the car. I had the feeling of  deja vu. It seems like I have been sending him away forever but nothing changes for him.

I have made a lot of changes in myself these past few months. I still think I am in a good place for me. I felt a little sad when I walked away from him on Sunday. Ordinarily I would have waited for him to get on the bus but I had plans that morning and I refused to put those aside for him. I have done that too many times in the past and I told him this last go around that I would no longer schedule my life around his. I was already going in the direction of the bus station or the story might have been different.

Anyway, in spite of the expected amount of drama with him in our house, I had a good weekend. My sisters and I spent Saturday at the zoo with their kids and my grandson. I invited my son to come and he did. I am glad that the two of them had that positive time together before my son left town. On Sunday before I dropped him off at the bus station my sisters, my niece and I ran a 10K race together. We didn't break any speed records but we had a good time together. After I dropped him off I attended our church's service Sunday. We spent the aftenoon doing yard work at a women's shelter.

I hope things work out for my son. Who knows? Maybe this is a good thing for him to do. Maybe getting away from the old crowd and old expectations is just the thing that he needs right now. I guess only time will tell.

Happy Monday everyone!