For a lot of years, 8 now to be exact, I have been in crisis mode with my son. He started using at the age of 15 and it was pretty much Crazy Town at my house anytime he was there. We always knew that it was just a matter of time before some kind of insanity ensued. For those years I let his addiction determine my schedule. If I had plans for the weekend and he screwed up then I cancelled the plans to deal with his screw up. If I planned to work out after work and he was having a melt down, I'd cancel my plans to go council him. I re-worked my work schedule so many times to get him to GED classes when he dropped out of high school, doctor's appointments, ER trips, counseling, court, probation appointments. We all know this routine too well.
In the past several months I have begun to realize that I have let so much of my life go in order to deal with his life. I don't go to lunch with friends anymore, don't often join my co-workers for lunch, don't call my sisters as much, and don't join in any kind of group activities. I am working on that now.
My husband I have joined a church that is very involved in community service and it feels good to be involved in something that gives to others in a positive way. We enjoy talking about what we are going to do in two years when we get some bills paid off. I am planning my flower garden for the spring and summer. If I get invited to join co-workers for lunch I force myself to go even when I am really not in the mood. I always feel better afterward. My sisters and I are planning a trip this fall to run the Route 66 half marathon in Tulsa. I am working on getting a room fixed up for my grandson. I've started running again and even bought a cool new pair of running shoes. I take time to read books that aren't on the topic of addiction.
See none of those things include my son at all! I think back to all of the days, weeks and months that all, I mean every bit of my time was spent trying to figure out a way to fix my son and I think, "How crazy is that?".
I don't want to live in Crazy Town anymore. Time to move on.
Praying for us all today.
So true....its amazing how it just sneaks up on you huh. And the lunch with co-workers...yeah! I think I was/am so worn out all the time, it just didn't hold much appeal. Good for you!
ReplyDeleteAnnette, I think I don't go to lunch with co-workers is because I don't have much that I want to share about my son right now. The conversation usually gets to family at some point. I'm not ashamed, I just get tired of not having anything positive to share.
DeleteI'll update your new address on my mailing list.
ReplyDeleteLOL
DeleteI look back over the past twenty years and I am thinking I was much more crazy than my addicted son.
ReplyDeleteIt has only been in the past few years that I have begun to focus "life" on "me."
Your post was a great reminder of what need to be doing more of.
Prayers for your son and you.
VJ, Oh my word! I had no idea how long you have been dealing with this crap! Prayers and peaceful thoughts to you and yours.
DeleteGood for you, Terri. It sounds like you are ready to take your life back. I admire anyone who can run! Enjoy YOUR life :)
ReplyDeleteBarbara, My running is more like a wog than a run but I try! Happy Sunday to you!
Delete'I take time to read books that aren't on the topic of addiction'.......this has been a goal for me for 5yrs...
ReplyDeleteit's wondeful to read that you have been able to move ahead...it gives me hope...thank you
Thank you! If anything I can share gives hope to others then I am happy that I am giving back because others in our blog world have given me hope. Hope that I can have a peace filled life and hope that one day my son may also have a peace filled life one day. Prayers for you to find peace as well.
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