Some things families pass down are worth keeping.
When my kids were babies my husband's grandmother told me the best way to get a baby who was fighting sleep to give up and go to sleep was to gently and slowly rub the bridge of their nose down to the tip until they finally relaxed and went to sleep.
I only had one baby that really resisted sleep and that is the son this blog is about. This trick always worked for him. Even after he got older he always liked me to rub his nose when he sick and felt bad. Even when he was drug sick, before I knew what that was, he would ask me to rub his nose.
Tonight his son, my grandson, was here with us. He was fussy and really didn't want to go to sleep. I got in bed with him, sang to him, held him, gave him his stuffed animal, and patted his belly. Nothing that I usually do worked. Finally he said, "Wub my nose" and brought my fingers to his nose. That brought tears to my eyes but I did it. After about two minutes he was asleep. I guess his daddy does that when he is here with him.
Thought I'd share.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
It is only small talk, it isn't personal
The folks in my office took a co-worker out for lunch yesterday to celebrate her birthday. We all know what it feels like to be out to lunch with a group of co-workers or friends and after the menu has been studied and meals ordered everyone begins chit chatting. We talk about our pets, partners, parents and invariably our kids.
My co-workers know about my son. I work in an office with a team of 6 women and one man. (Ron, I just heard you groan!) It would be hard to hide the fact that he has "issues" but I don't even really try to. It is nothing that I am proud of but I have learned that it really doesn't help him or me to hide it.
It used to really bother me when talk turned to our kids. I never had anything to brag about with my son. There wasn't a prom for him or a high school graduation. He took one college course one semester. He signed up for a full load the next semester but never made it to class. He has been hit or miss with jobs. He lost his marriage, custody of his son, has legal problems etc. Most of the time I conveniently had something else to do when they were all going out.
Eventually I realized that I wasn't being fair to myself by isolating from people who care about me. I have learned that I have other things going on in my life that have nothing to do with my son. It really is okay for me to sit quietly while the others brag on what their kids are doing. If asked specifically about my son I will answer any question they ask otherwise I try to focus on the good things. He is sober at the moment. He just started a job last week at a bowling ally. Not sure if that is the best choice but I guess it beats picking up cans. My grandson is growing and getting smarter all the time. My new granddaughter will be born within the next 6 weeks and her parents are doing great. My daughter finally got back into school and is learning to be her own woman.
I started exercising again and I'm thinking about taking some night classes. My dogs make me smile no matter what happens. My husband's radio show is really taking off and he has had several poems published and has a possible book deal in the works.
Life is good!
My co-workers know about my son. I work in an office with a team of 6 women and one man. (Ron, I just heard you groan!) It would be hard to hide the fact that he has "issues" but I don't even really try to. It is nothing that I am proud of but I have learned that it really doesn't help him or me to hide it.
It used to really bother me when talk turned to our kids. I never had anything to brag about with my son. There wasn't a prom for him or a high school graduation. He took one college course one semester. He signed up for a full load the next semester but never made it to class. He has been hit or miss with jobs. He lost his marriage, custody of his son, has legal problems etc. Most of the time I conveniently had something else to do when they were all going out.
Eventually I realized that I wasn't being fair to myself by isolating from people who care about me. I have learned that I have other things going on in my life that have nothing to do with my son. It really is okay for me to sit quietly while the others brag on what their kids are doing. If asked specifically about my son I will answer any question they ask otherwise I try to focus on the good things. He is sober at the moment. He just started a job last week at a bowling ally. Not sure if that is the best choice but I guess it beats picking up cans. My grandson is growing and getting smarter all the time. My new granddaughter will be born within the next 6 weeks and her parents are doing great. My daughter finally got back into school and is learning to be her own woman.
I started exercising again and I'm thinking about taking some night classes. My dogs make me smile no matter what happens. My husband's radio show is really taking off and he has had several poems published and has a possible book deal in the works.
Life is good!
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Gotta love my dad!
My son had his second court hearing on Tuesday of this week. A $25 ticket for failure to wear a seat belt turned into a $100 fine after adding the failure to appear and the charge for issuing the warrant. He had to set up a payment plan for the $100. I think he maybe had hopes that I would pay it. That didn't happen.
There were some shenanigans while he was here for those 7 days. I'll post about those later.
My mom called this morning and told me that when she got out of bed this morning my son was gone from the house already. When she asked my dad where he was my dad told her that he had taken my son about 10 miles from the house and had given him a plastic trash bag, some water and some crackers and Vienna sausages and told him he needed to pick up cans so that they could be sold to cover the fine. My mom asked why he did that and my dad responded, "He has fines to pay and he needs to do something about it."
I told my son before he went back that he didn't have to like the way my dad handles things but if he is going to live in his house he will just have to deal with it.
I can just imagine the look on my son's face....I can't help it, just the thought makes me giggle a little.
There were some shenanigans while he was here for those 7 days. I'll post about those later.
My mom called this morning and told me that when she got out of bed this morning my son was gone from the house already. When she asked my dad where he was my dad told her that he had taken my son about 10 miles from the house and had given him a plastic trash bag, some water and some crackers and Vienna sausages and told him he needed to pick up cans so that they could be sold to cover the fine. My mom asked why he did that and my dad responded, "He has fines to pay and he needs to do something about it."
I told my son before he went back that he didn't have to like the way my dad handles things but if he is going to live in his house he will just have to deal with it.
I can just imagine the look on my son's face....I can't help it, just the thought makes me giggle a little.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Inquiring minds want to know!
The son managed to get to my house late Monday night or early Tuesday morning. He didn't make any noise to wake me up so I assume he was not messed up. He is never quiet when he is drunk or high. He got up Tuesday morning showered and shaved and was ready to leave the house by 7:15. We had to be at the courthouse by 8 a.m. He wore clothes that my mom bought him for Christmas and looked really nice.
None of the family members of the folks there for court were allowed in the courtroom. They do the hearings "cattle call" style. Everyone shows up at the same time, gets in line and wait to be taken to the courtroom. They had too many people there that had hearings and the courtroom was too small. So, all I know of what happened in the courtroom came from my son. We all know how reliable that information might be. He said that he plead guilty to the failure to appear charge. That charge carried a 30 day stay in the county jail. The judge dismissed that penalty. He plead not guilty to the paraphernalia charge and was given a new court date for a hearing. That one is not until May 8th. He said that he didn't have an attorney appointed which doesn't ring true to me. Anyway, he told me that he didn't have the paraphernalia on his person, it was in the truck that he was riding in. This is the first time I heard that but maybe he didn't really know for sure until he saw the police report. Like I said, I am just going on what he told me.
I had made arrangements for his son to come and spend the night at my house last night so that he could have some time with his dad. Guess what? Early in the evening a "friend" of his from Dallas, the city he ran away to when he got in this legal trouble to begin with, showed up. He left with her and took all of his clothes that he brought with him, including his new "court" clothes. This just shows how f'd up his priorities are. I can't imagine leaving when your 2 year old precious baby boy is there to spend the night with you and you don't have constant contact with him. When he left my grandson cried for a minute then I offered him candy (I am the grandparent, that is what we do) and he was okay.
Oh well, it is my son's lose. I had a great time with my grandson and there is nothing more precious than having him wake up in the morning at my house and realizing he is there and says, "I at Granny's house! I hold you Granny!" Well, it sounds more like "Gawanny" but that doesn't matter. :-)
His next hearing is next Tuesday for driving without a seat belt and failure to appear for that one. I'm not sure what he is up to but I have had a feeling for awhile that he has something planned. Nothing he does surprises me anymore. If he headed back to Dallas with this friend I would not be shocked. If he does that I will not have anything to do with him. He will not be welcome to live with my parents after all that they have done for him and I will not be helping him to see his son again.
I would like to feel positive that he will do the right thing but we don't have that kind of history together. I'll just live my life today and see what happens tomorrow. That is all any of us can do.
Happy Wednesday to us all!
None of the family members of the folks there for court were allowed in the courtroom. They do the hearings "cattle call" style. Everyone shows up at the same time, gets in line and wait to be taken to the courtroom. They had too many people there that had hearings and the courtroom was too small. So, all I know of what happened in the courtroom came from my son. We all know how reliable that information might be. He said that he plead guilty to the failure to appear charge. That charge carried a 30 day stay in the county jail. The judge dismissed that penalty. He plead not guilty to the paraphernalia charge and was given a new court date for a hearing. That one is not until May 8th. He said that he didn't have an attorney appointed which doesn't ring true to me. Anyway, he told me that he didn't have the paraphernalia on his person, it was in the truck that he was riding in. This is the first time I heard that but maybe he didn't really know for sure until he saw the police report. Like I said, I am just going on what he told me.
I had made arrangements for his son to come and spend the night at my house last night so that he could have some time with his dad. Guess what? Early in the evening a "friend" of his from Dallas, the city he ran away to when he got in this legal trouble to begin with, showed up. He left with her and took all of his clothes that he brought with him, including his new "court" clothes. This just shows how f'd up his priorities are. I can't imagine leaving when your 2 year old precious baby boy is there to spend the night with you and you don't have constant contact with him. When he left my grandson cried for a minute then I offered him candy (I am the grandparent, that is what we do) and he was okay.
Oh well, it is my son's lose. I had a great time with my grandson and there is nothing more precious than having him wake up in the morning at my house and realizing he is there and says, "I at Granny's house! I hold you Granny!" Well, it sounds more like "Gawanny" but that doesn't matter. :-)
His next hearing is next Tuesday for driving without a seat belt and failure to appear for that one. I'm not sure what he is up to but I have had a feeling for awhile that he has something planned. Nothing he does surprises me anymore. If he headed back to Dallas with this friend I would not be shocked. If he does that I will not have anything to do with him. He will not be welcome to live with my parents after all that they have done for him and I will not be helping him to see his son again.
I would like to feel positive that he will do the right thing but we don't have that kind of history together. I'll just live my life today and see what happens tomorrow. That is all any of us can do.
Happy Wednesday to us all!
Monday, January 14, 2013
Court is Tomorrow
So, I did buy my son a bus ticket to get into town for his court date tomorrow morning at 8 a.m. I made it easy for me. The bus got in at 5:30 p.m. Swing by after work and pick him up. All is good, right?
Except he found someone else to pick him up at the bus station. He'll just have this person drop him off at my house later. HMMMMmmm! I hate to be a skeptic but does anyone want to take bets on how this one plays out?
No expectations! No worries! No disappointment!
Except he found someone else to pick him up at the bus station. He'll just have this person drop him off at my house later. HMMMMmmm! I hate to be a skeptic but does anyone want to take bets on how this one plays out?
No expectations! No worries! No disappointment!
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Even the stars know.
This is what my horoscope on Sunday said:
The drama doesn't involve you. You'll fee like you're getting away with something, but the truth is that you deserve to have your time and energy to yourself.
I had just spent two days with my son when I read this. It made me chuckle.
Just thought I would share.
The drama doesn't involve you. You'll fee like you're getting away with something, but the truth is that you deserve to have your time and energy to yourself.
I had just spent two days with my son when I read this. It made me chuckle.
Just thought I would share.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Getting a life!
I have spent most the past 8 years fighting a battle that isn't even mine to fight. Most of you all that read this blog know what I am talking about. My child's addiction and all that comes with it. I haven't taken the time that I need for myself. I have tried for short periods of time to put me first only to have the crisis of the day interrupt my momentum.
This weekend wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it might be. I enjoyed my grandson and visiting with my parents and siblings steering clear of my son who gave me the stink eye every time we made eye contact. When I got ready to leave he asked me if I was "upset" with him for some reason. I told him that he was acting rather "horsey" and that I wasn't sure how I was supposed to act around him.
Anyway, after a lot of thought and some encouragement from Ron and Helga, I have decided that I need to get my life back and try to get healthy. Healthy both physically and mentally. I shouldn't carry around so much anxiety and resentment. Oh, and not the extra pounds that I have put on in the past two years either.
Tonight I start an exercise class! I have wanted to for some time but always felt like I needed to get right home after work. Why? I don't have little kids at home and most of the time it is just my husband and me. This is something just for me.
It is a small step but I think that it is one that will help me in lots of ways.
Let's see if I am so positive tomorrow morning when all my muscles hurt! :-)
This weekend wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it might be. I enjoyed my grandson and visiting with my parents and siblings steering clear of my son who gave me the stink eye every time we made eye contact. When I got ready to leave he asked me if I was "upset" with him for some reason. I told him that he was acting rather "horsey" and that I wasn't sure how I was supposed to act around him.
Anyway, after a lot of thought and some encouragement from Ron and Helga, I have decided that I need to get my life back and try to get healthy. Healthy both physically and mentally. I shouldn't carry around so much anxiety and resentment. Oh, and not the extra pounds that I have put on in the past two years either.
Tonight I start an exercise class! I have wanted to for some time but always felt like I needed to get right home after work. Why? I don't have little kids at home and most of the time it is just my husband and me. This is something just for me.
It is a small step but I think that it is one that will help me in lots of ways.
Let's see if I am so positive tomorrow morning when all my muscles hurt! :-)
Friday, January 4, 2013
Feeling Resentful Today
In a few hours I will load my grandson up and head to my parents home 3 hours away. This is the weekend that my son has visitation and we are going to exchange Christmas gifts with my parents. The rest of my family did Christmas on Christmas day so there won't be a big "to do".
Although he isn't currently using, my son has been in full addict personality mode lately and I really don't want to be around him. If it weren't for the fact that I promised my parents I would come and bring the baby I wouldn't go at all. I have bent over backwards trying to make sure that my son has access to his son. I haven't really minded that much because he at least gave the appearance of trying to do the right things. When he is being selfish I want nothing to do with him.
I am really thinking that this will be the last visit for awhile. If he wants to see his son he can find a way to come to us which is where the court order says the visits are supposed to take place anyway.
I am trying hard to get past this and just do what I need to do to honor my commitment to my parents. I'll focus on the fact that I get some "granny time" with my grandson. :-)
Although he isn't currently using, my son has been in full addict personality mode lately and I really don't want to be around him. If it weren't for the fact that I promised my parents I would come and bring the baby I wouldn't go at all. I have bent over backwards trying to make sure that my son has access to his son. I haven't really minded that much because he at least gave the appearance of trying to do the right things. When he is being selfish I want nothing to do with him.
I am really thinking that this will be the last visit for awhile. If he wants to see his son he can find a way to come to us which is where the court order says the visits are supposed to take place anyway.
I am trying hard to get past this and just do what I need to do to honor my commitment to my parents. I'll focus on the fact that I get some "granny time" with my grandson. :-)
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