God Grant Me the Serenity

My son is beginning his second week in the homeless shelter. I have seen him twice this week. Each time he asked me to buy him some food. He was able to get a job in just a few days after going to the shelter but he hasn't received a paycheck yet.

He called last week and complained of kidney stone symptoms. He has a history of actually having them. He also has a history of faking the pain to get opiates in the ER and walking out with a prescription for Hydrocodone. There was a period of time that he was going to the ER about every other week. I think finally someone clued in to what was going on because they started asking him for an upfront co-pay which he never could come up with.

So, when his dad told me that he had called my radar was activated. His dad took him to the ER and told him that we wouldn't pay for the visit and we wouldn't pay for any pain pills. He dropped him off and I picked him up when they released him. He said that there was a kidney stone but that he should be able to pass it. He said that he told them that he couldn't have opiates. This of course was after they gave him a Demerol shot. He told me that he only had a prescription for Naproxen. I didn't look at it. I figured it didn't make a hill of beans of difference one way or the other.

I picked him up on Wednesday to go and visit my dad in the hospital. My dad had to have another procedure. This is 3 in the month of July alone. Anyway, my son and dad have always been close so I thought it would be important for both of them to see each other.

My son looked good and seemed in good spirits when I picked him up from the shelter. I took him to work from the hospital. He had to walk back to the shelter which is probably a 5 or 6 mile hike after dark through some pretty seedy neighborhoods. I really don't let myself think about too much.

Today I gave him a ride to the library and from there he will catch a bus to work. I bought him some lunch a drive in burger place. While we were sitting in the car he put his head on my shoulder and started crying. I just hugged him and let him cry. I told him that things need to improve because this seems as about as bad as it can get. (I know it could be worse but I didn't know what else to say except that I love him, which I did several times). I encouraged him to open a banking account and save his paychecks until he has enough money to move out.

What he doesn't realize is that he is going to have a hard time getting utilities and maybe even a place to rent because he walked out of a lease and a utility bill a couple of years ago.

I have to say he seems to be trying. He is working 6 days a week as prep chef in an upscale restaurant. I'm not sure how many hours he is getting a week, probably close to 40.

It took all the strength that I could muster not to break down and cry with him. I wish I could take him home with me and make everything alright. I haven't been able to up to this point and I have to remind myself that it isn't my job. The whole time he was in the car with him I kept repeating in my head, "his decisions, his consequences".

I just pray that he can find his inner strength and keep moving forward.