I have tried to avoid knowing what kind of place my son is staying in. I drive by the Salvation Army on the way home from work some days and I can see the folks lining up hoping to get a bed for the night. I accidentally went to the wrong shelter to pick my son up last week and it was the same kind of thing. Men were coming out of the woods behind the center with backpacks and trash bags waiting to get in.
I finally looked up the one my son is staying at on-line today. It is a shelter for "the working homeless". People there are required to work full time jobs and are required to save 75% of their income until they can afford to leave. They have all kinds of programs and counseling offered there. There is a bicycle program for residents so that they can borrow a bicycle to get around on if they need to.
There is a day camp for children and a preschool/daycare for children of not only residents but other low income people as well.
I know the pictures on the Internet were of the place all cleaned up and organized but still, it is nothing that I imagined.
It seems like the kind of place that is there to truly give people a leg up if they are willing to take advantage of it.
I hope that my son will be one of their success stories. Actually, my real hope that he will be his own success story!
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Monday, July 29, 2013
A Sunny Sunday with my Son
I had my precious grandson at my house from Friday afternoon until this morning when I took him home to his mom. He will be three years old in a couple of months. It is hard to believe that he has been part of my life for that long and at the same time, I can hardly remember a day without him in it.
On Sunday I had all my kids at the house for at least part of the day. That morning the grandson and I went to pick his dad up at the homeless shelter. The were both so happy to see each other. They laughed and played all morning and up until the time that my son had to leave to get back for work.
My husband drove him back while I stayed and visited with my other children and my granddaughter.
Later that evening my husband told me how hard it is to take our son back to the shelter. It is hard for me as well. I told my husband that I have to remind myself that we didn't put him there. We gave him chance after chance after chance after chance......well, you know what I am talking about. He will just have to pull himself up out of this by himself. We can love him and be supportive of his efforts but that is all that we can do. I am just thankful that he has a bed to sleep in at night and at least a couple of meals a day.
So, with that said, I'll just be thankful that we were able to enjoy a beautiful, unusually cool July Sunday afternoon together as a family.
On Sunday I had all my kids at the house for at least part of the day. That morning the grandson and I went to pick his dad up at the homeless shelter. The were both so happy to see each other. They laughed and played all morning and up until the time that my son had to leave to get back for work.
My husband drove him back while I stayed and visited with my other children and my granddaughter.
Later that evening my husband told me how hard it is to take our son back to the shelter. It is hard for me as well. I told my husband that I have to remind myself that we didn't put him there. We gave him chance after chance after chance after chance......well, you know what I am talking about. He will just have to pull himself up out of this by himself. We can love him and be supportive of his efforts but that is all that we can do. I am just thankful that he has a bed to sleep in at night and at least a couple of meals a day.
So, with that said, I'll just be thankful that we were able to enjoy a beautiful, unusually cool July Sunday afternoon together as a family.
Friday, July 26, 2013
God Grant Me the Serenity
My son is beginning his second week in the homeless shelter. I have seen him twice this week. Each time he asked me to buy him some food. He was able to get a job in just a few days after going to the shelter but he hasn't received a paycheck yet.
He called last week and complained of kidney stone symptoms. He has a history of actually having them. He also has a history of faking the pain to get opiates in the ER and walking out with a prescription for Hydrocodone. There was a period of time that he was going to the ER about every other week. I think finally someone clued in to what was going on because they started asking him for an upfront co-pay which he never could come up with.
So, when his dad told me that he had called my radar was activated. His dad took him to the ER and told him that we wouldn't pay for the visit and we wouldn't pay for any pain pills. He dropped him off and I picked him up when they released him. He said that there was a kidney stone but that he should be able to pass it. He said that he told them that he couldn't have opiates. This of course was after they gave him a Demerol shot. He told me that he only had a prescription for Naproxen. I didn't look at it. I figured it didn't make a hill of beans of difference one way or the other.
I picked him up on Wednesday to go and visit my dad in the hospital. My dad had to have another procedure. This is 3 in the month of July alone. Anyway, my son and dad have always been close so I thought it would be important for both of them to see each other.
My son looked good and seemed in good spirits when I picked him up from the shelter. I took him to work from the hospital. He had to walk back to the shelter which is probably a 5 or 6 mile hike after dark through some pretty seedy neighborhoods. I really don't let myself think about too much.
Today I gave him a ride to the library and from there he will catch a bus to work. I bought him some lunch a drive in burger place. While we were sitting in the car he put his head on my shoulder and started crying. I just hugged him and let him cry. I told him that things need to improve because this seems as about as bad as it can get. (I know it could be worse but I didn't know what else to say except that I love him, which I did several times). I encouraged him to open a banking account and save his paychecks until he has enough money to move out.
What he doesn't realize is that he is going to have a hard time getting utilities and maybe even a place to rent because he walked out of a lease and a utility bill a couple of years ago.
I have to say he seems to be trying. He is working 6 days a week as prep chef in an upscale restaurant. I'm not sure how many hours he is getting a week, probably close to 40.
It took all the strength that I could muster not to break down and cry with him. I wish I could take him home with me and make everything alright. I haven't been able to up to this point and I have to remind myself that it isn't my job. The whole time he was in the car with him I kept repeating in my head, "his decisions, his consequences".
I just pray that he can find his inner strength and keep moving forward.
He called last week and complained of kidney stone symptoms. He has a history of actually having them. He also has a history of faking the pain to get opiates in the ER and walking out with a prescription for Hydrocodone. There was a period of time that he was going to the ER about every other week. I think finally someone clued in to what was going on because they started asking him for an upfront co-pay which he never could come up with.
So, when his dad told me that he had called my radar was activated. His dad took him to the ER and told him that we wouldn't pay for the visit and we wouldn't pay for any pain pills. He dropped him off and I picked him up when they released him. He said that there was a kidney stone but that he should be able to pass it. He said that he told them that he couldn't have opiates. This of course was after they gave him a Demerol shot. He told me that he only had a prescription for Naproxen. I didn't look at it. I figured it didn't make a hill of beans of difference one way or the other.
I picked him up on Wednesday to go and visit my dad in the hospital. My dad had to have another procedure. This is 3 in the month of July alone. Anyway, my son and dad have always been close so I thought it would be important for both of them to see each other.
My son looked good and seemed in good spirits when I picked him up from the shelter. I took him to work from the hospital. He had to walk back to the shelter which is probably a 5 or 6 mile hike after dark through some pretty seedy neighborhoods. I really don't let myself think about too much.
Today I gave him a ride to the library and from there he will catch a bus to work. I bought him some lunch a drive in burger place. While we were sitting in the car he put his head on my shoulder and started crying. I just hugged him and let him cry. I told him that things need to improve because this seems as about as bad as it can get. (I know it could be worse but I didn't know what else to say except that I love him, which I did several times). I encouraged him to open a banking account and save his paychecks until he has enough money to move out.
What he doesn't realize is that he is going to have a hard time getting utilities and maybe even a place to rent because he walked out of a lease and a utility bill a couple of years ago.
I have to say he seems to be trying. He is working 6 days a week as prep chef in an upscale restaurant. I'm not sure how many hours he is getting a week, probably close to 40.
It took all the strength that I could muster not to break down and cry with him. I wish I could take him home with me and make everything alright. I haven't been able to up to this point and I have to remind myself that it isn't my job. The whole time he was in the car with him I kept repeating in my head, "his decisions, his consequences".
I just pray that he can find his inner strength and keep moving forward.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Homeless Shelter
I got a text from my son last night that just said, "I love you". I responded back that I love him to and that I will forever. I let him know that grandson will be at my house this evening if he wanted to call him and say hello. He thanked me for that and then said that he was going to have to move to a homeless shelter tomorrow/today. He gave me a story about how his boss ripped him off and didn't pay him for some work he had done. I really didn't continue reading the whole thing because I have heard this story before.
Why are the addicts always the victims? I know they put themselves in bad, horrible and dangerous situations but then they blame other people for being there. Uggh!
He called his dad this morning and asked if he could get a ride to a shelter if he could get in. Dad said of course. He called me to see if I would look up some phone numbers for him but I missed that call and by the time I called him back he had already found his way to a computer and was looking stuff up. He said he was with a fellow AA member whose wife sponsors a woman who runs the intake at a shelter in town. I told him that it sounded like he had everything under control and to let us know where he ended up.
He called his dad later in the day to say he had a ride. Dad told him he was proud of him for taking care of this on his own and that he loves him.
Wow! How did we get to the point that we are proud that our son can manage to get himself into a homeless shelter? I am sad for so many things but him going to a shelter doesn't really even make the top 10. I'm sure he was hoping that we would be shocked and feel sorry for him and allow him back in our house. I just keep telling myself that I didn't put him in this situation and it is not my job to bail him out of it.
I love him and I know he has the tools to do what he needs to do to be healthy. It is up to him to unpack them and use them.
Why are the addicts always the victims? I know they put themselves in bad, horrible and dangerous situations but then they blame other people for being there. Uggh!
He called his dad this morning and asked if he could get a ride to a shelter if he could get in. Dad said of course. He called me to see if I would look up some phone numbers for him but I missed that call and by the time I called him back he had already found his way to a computer and was looking stuff up. He said he was with a fellow AA member whose wife sponsors a woman who runs the intake at a shelter in town. I told him that it sounded like he had everything under control and to let us know where he ended up.
He called his dad later in the day to say he had a ride. Dad told him he was proud of him for taking care of this on his own and that he loves him.
Wow! How did we get to the point that we are proud that our son can manage to get himself into a homeless shelter? I am sad for so many things but him going to a shelter doesn't really even make the top 10. I'm sure he was hoping that we would be shocked and feel sorry for him and allow him back in our house. I just keep telling myself that I didn't put him in this situation and it is not my job to bail him out of it.
I love him and I know he has the tools to do what he needs to do to be healthy. It is up to him to unpack them and use them.
Friday, July 5, 2013
A son sighting.
I got a phone call on Wednesday from a friend of my son's who saw him that day. She said he looked worse than he did the last time she saw him. She knows that he is staying with a couple of sketchy guys one that is a cocaine dealer. She felt bad about telling me this news. I just told her that I am not shocked by anything that my son does anymore. It is the life of an addict. I told her it makes me sad but there is nothing I can do to help him and there is nothing that she can do to help him. Until he decides he wants something else he will continue to go on this way.
I haven't heard my son's voice in a couple of weeks. I have received a couple of texts from him one just checking in and the other to say Happy 4th and that he loves me. I sent a text back to tell him that I love him.
He tried to call his dad's phone on Wednesday but his dad didn't have his phone with him. I tried to call him back and it went to voice mail after several rings.
The voice that used to tell me to go find him and save him is still there. Now instead of a booming urgent voice it is more like a little whisper that I can ignore.
I was able to enjoy the 4th with my husband just puttering around the house taking care of some things that I don't generally have time for. We enjoyed a good meal together and I went to bed early because I have to work today.
I find myself praying for my son to find peace more often than I used to. I don't know the ending to this story. My hope is that my son isn't too far gone to find his way back this time.
I haven't heard my son's voice in a couple of weeks. I have received a couple of texts from him one just checking in and the other to say Happy 4th and that he loves me. I sent a text back to tell him that I love him.
He tried to call his dad's phone on Wednesday but his dad didn't have his phone with him. I tried to call him back and it went to voice mail after several rings.
The voice that used to tell me to go find him and save him is still there. Now instead of a booming urgent voice it is more like a little whisper that I can ignore.
I was able to enjoy the 4th with my husband just puttering around the house taking care of some things that I don't generally have time for. We enjoyed a good meal together and I went to bed early because I have to work today.
I find myself praying for my son to find peace more often than I used to. I don't know the ending to this story. My hope is that my son isn't too far gone to find his way back this time.
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