We recently received a bill from an emergency room visit by my son from several months ago. I knew that he went and told him then that I wouldn't pay this bill. Receiving the bill brought back memories of many trips to the ER with him. He was diagnosed with his first kidney stone at the age of 15. This required the stone to be crushed with a laser. He had a couple of confirmed episodes when he was 16 and 17. Each episode resulted in a prescription for pain medication. It sort of shocked me how freely doctors wrote these prescriptions.When he was 18 he was going to the ER once or twice a month complaining pretty convincingly of back pain he believed was caused by a kidney stone. Pain is not something that is easily measured by anyone other than the person dealing with it. It took me a minute to accept that my son was exhibiting drug seeking behavior. I stopped taking him to the ER and would not provide my insurance info to him. I even called several of the ERs he had used and asked that they mark his chart. When they started asking him for $100 up front he quit going to the ER and start shopping for doctors. Many of the doctors caught on pretty quickly and basically "fired" him from coming to their office. We paid thousands of dollars on these unnecessary ER visits after insurance paid.
I don't know why I am posting this. He hasn't done this in awhile, at least to my knowledge. When he complains to me now my standard answer is, "I am so sorry." and then I walk away. You know it amazes me to look back at all the crapola that we went through with this young man. Looking at it now I just have to shake my head at the pure insanity of it all. Man, addicts do crazy stuff and us co-dependents just follow right in behind them doing some crazy stuff too. At least for today, I will be sane.
Blessings!
hi. reading your post a few down reminds me heavily of my ex-partner, who is now 28. his mother would constantly give him money, and his dad the same, he pawned thousands of pounds worth of stuff, and everytime they purchased it back instead of calling the police. they totally enabled him to the extent he is still the same, and will never change while he has somebody openly financially supporting his addiction. of course, you are a mother so i cannot begin to imagine what it is like... well, i just found out i am 6 months pregnant and will become a mum myself by august 24th. i was a heroin addict myself, now on methadone and my mum and family point blank refused to give me cash; they didnt want to enable me and the thought of them giving me the money that could eventually kill me was too much for them. i think i would take this approach with my son god forbid he ever fall into the trap of drink and drugs. i believe my 8.5year addiction to heroin came to a natural end because of the fact the lifestyle ground me down; a major part of that having to raise the sufficient funds. he has been going and going and has no desire to stop, but why would he, when he knows he can stamp his feet and get handed money.
ReplyDeletegood on you for saying no. he has got to realise he cant put you in that position, and its not your fault if he goes without drugs or does something stupid to obtain them. i got referred to your blog, so thought id come over and say hi! i have had my blog since 06 i believe and ive found it very theraputic. the internet is amazing in the way you can find a support network for everything and anything. take care, naomi xxx
Naomi, I wish you and your new baby health and happiness. Thank you for your insight. I have told my son the same thing your family told you, that I would never forgive myself if he died of an over dose or hurt someone else while he was high, knowing that I gave him the money to do it. I pray that your son does not fall into the trap of drugs and alcohol for his sake and for yours.
ReplyDeleteI hope this day brings peace and blessings to you.
Terri
We learn as we go and it sounds like you've learned to handle this situation very well. What makes me mad is the way doctors hand out opiates for pain relief like it was no big deal. The last rehab my son was in there were so many people there that started using only because of doctor's RX for pain meds. I know in some cases its necessary, but I can't help but wonder if a person would choose a non-opiate drug and experience a bit more pain to avoid a lifelong battle with addiction. Doctors should be required to tell people this when they perscribe.
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