My Letter

I waited until after the Thanksgiving holiday to write my son back. I forgot to mention that he specified an amount that I should put on his books. Usually when he specifies an amount for anything he already has something on is mind.

I told him that we love him so much. We aren't surprised that he is where he is at. I shared that I have learned from other POAs that and addict will eventually end up in jail or dead and that I have been preparing myself to hear both about him for years. I told him that I am very happy that I got the phone call that he is in jail and that I didn't have to open the door for a police officer to tell me he had died from overdose, accident or had been murdered.

He had indicated that the conditions there were not bad but weren't great either in his letter to us. I pointed out that he is not on vacation, he is in jail because he committed a crime and living in less than ideal conditions is part of the consequence.

I repeated something that I have told him numerous times, that drugs have controlled his life for years now. During that time he has lost a marriage, contact with his son, a relationship with his family, jobs, homes, money, belongings and now his freedom.

I listed the things that he asked for in his letter and gave my response to those requests.

1. Phone card - If he needs to contact someone other than us, then that person can provide a phone card for that purpose. He may call us collect one time a week.

2. Paper, envelops and stamps - I will provide a couple of pieces of paper and a stamped envelop when I write him. He can use those to write whomever he pleases.

3. Money on his book - I pay for his son's daycare, give the son's mom money because he doesn't pay child support and I have to pay his utility bill because it is in my name. I don't have the money to put on his book.

4. Socks - If he needs them I will see if I can drop the ones he already has off at the jail.

He also needs to know that after December he will no longer have an apartment so he needs to plan for a place to stay when he gets out of jail in January.

I repeated that I love him so, so much but that I don't like the person that drugs have made him and that person is not someone that I would pick to associate with. I told him that I have hope that he will find his way.

Even reading back over this it feels harsh. I have never drawn such a straight line in the sand with him before. I just feel like this is the right thing to do at the right time. I just pray that it is so.

Take care everyone.