Ron commented on my last submission to my blog about finding a needle and spoon in my son's pants when I picked them up to wash them. His comment was "if it looks bad it probably is bad". Well, it is bad. My son stole my debit card today while I was unloading groceries from the car. He left shortly after I got home with the groceries to pick up his bicycle that he left at a friends house several weeks ago. Something told me to look in my purse after he left and sure enough it was gone. I called him immediately and asked if he had "borrowed" it. He denied, denied and denied. I called the grocery store to see if they found it, searched my purse again, then searched my car. No debit card. I called my son again and gave him another chance. NOPE, he didn't have it. We started the process of getting it cancelled which was not an easy task. He came home and even suggested that we go to the market and look in the parking lot for it. After talking to customer service at the bank my husband learned that just shortly before my son returned to the house two withdrawals had been taken from two different ATMs near our home. He still denied doing it until my husband put the pressure on. He caved then. He seemed to think that by offering to pay us back that everything was ok and no one should be mad. He said he needed the money to pay a guy for housing the bicycle (which did not come back home with him) for all these weeks.WHAT?
He remembered the PIN number from two years ago when in a weak moment I allowed him to use it for gas. This is the second time he has "borrowed" it without permission. We have kept it locked up in the car and it would have been there today but he caught me busy and not watching.
He is here to visit with his son over the weekend. He has pretty much been high the whole time he has been here. I am at the point of saying he can't even visit with his son here. This might mean that I don't get to see my grandson very often and it will very likely mean that my son won't see him either. I doubt he has a place to live after rent comes due in two weeks. NOT MY PROBLEM! I'll work something out with the mom to make sure I maintain contact with the grand baby.
Why can addicts justify stealing from their families? We have helped this kid up so many times and this is what we get for it? ADDICTION SUCKS!!!!!
I am wondering how many ways addicts justify stealing from their families. Do any of you have creative addicts? I'd like to hear the most creative justification they have given for stealing from you. This bicycle thing has really got me shaking my head and wondering if he couldn't have come up with something better.
Tomorrow is another day. I'll work to make it a positive one for myself.
Peace,
Terri
Sorry to read this.
ReplyDeleteOur son stole from us all the time. Nothing creative we just had to get more creative about our security.
So sorry you have to experience this. My daughter used to say that it was not her who stole, it was the drugs. In other words when she is on drugs she is not herself anymore and this justifies stealing because it is not really her. I know this sound like a bunch of BS, but this is how she justified it (to herself, because I would not buy it).
ReplyDeleteTerri, I can so easily hear your son's words coming out of my son's mouth. He also had the idea that if he came up with an apology or said he'd pay me back it would erase the fact that he stole from me. I can't remember exact stories, there are far too many. But some were so outlandish I just shook my head in disbelief because he really thought I'd buy his bullshit.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that he's using again. It does suck, it sucks more than anything else I can think of. A normal disease would have a cure. There is nothing normal about addiction to heroin.
I am very sorry. There is nothing normal about addiction, only pain. The lying is one of the worst and most hurtful things. The thing I have the hardest thing ever letting go of.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your comments. I know in my brain that it is the disease doing this through my son but dang it! I do a pretty good job most days of seperating the two but the line gets pretty blury on other days. I hope he gets it together soon. Of course he is denying that he is using but when you have seen it from this side you know what it looks like and Barbara, you are right. It sucks that there is not a damn thing that I can do about it.
ReplyDeleteOur son stole from us so much that for some whacked reason I would sometimes feel ashamed/embarrassed if I'd let my guard down temporarily and he'd get to my cash or keys...as if it was ME that had screwed up....that was nuts for me to think that way. One of the worst things he ever stole was some silver dollars that my father had bought one at a time(each week when he cashed his paycheck) to save to pay for my wedding some day...then gave some of them to me (25 of them) when I got married. Some were from the 1870s etc. and in perfect condition. I think he actually just spent them each as dollars...not pawned them as he did with other things. That hurt....and believe me...he stole lots of other things too. I'm sorry for what you're going through.
ReplyDeleteBeachteacher, thanks for your comment. I needed to hear that someone else tried to make it their fault instead of the addicts. I went to the bank yesterday to get a new debit card and at first said it was lost then said out loud that my son took it and I need to change the PIN. In some way just saying that out loud relieved me of some of the guilt that I was feeling about leaving it where he could get it. My son also stole some things from his dad that were very sentimental to him. He pawned them and thankfully we were able to get them back. $565 later.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words.
Terri