"But Mom! It's not mine!"

How many times have we heard that one? I quit counting. My son came home with his dad afterwork yesterday. He left shortly after getting here with his new female friend. He is still married to the mother of his 9 month old son, but that is another story. He changed out of his work clothes before he left. So, being the ever so helpful mom that I am, I picked them up to wash them for him so he would have something clean to wear today. I found a needle and a spoon with some orange residue in it. I called him and told him he needed to find a ride back to his apartment and that he is not to call me unless it has something to do with the baby. He is not to ask me for a ride back to our town and I told him that I did not want to speak to him or see him again last night. His response was, "But MOM! It's not mine! I found it. You just don't understand!". Well, I might not understand what  he goes through on a daily basis but I do understand what I saw and I understand that I don't want that crap in my house. Besides, why in the hell would anyone carry around a bent spoon and a needle that didn't belong to them. That incident reminded me of the time that the cigarettes weren't his, the pot wasn't his, the booze didn't belong to him. Give me a break. Please!!!!

I don't know what I feel. I was disgusted at first, then scared about the explosion that I thought it was going to cause when I confronted him about it. It seems like all those feelings cycle much faster than they used to. I finally just reminded myself that he is an addict and that is something that I have no control over. What I can control is who and what are in my house.

He will only be allowed in my house if he is visiting with his son here. I may even search him before I allow him in the house for that.