Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Over reacting?
My daughter reminded me yesterday that she is not her brother and did so rather loudly before having a friend come to pick her up. She just graduated from high school a couple of weeks ago and has been in full celebration mode since. I'm afraid that last night I drew some comparisons between her behavior and her brother's behavior and made some allegations that may or may not have held any merit. I am just scared that she will fall into the same abyss that he has. I don't want to lose another child.
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I do the same thing ALL THE TIME with my soon to be 16 year old son. He is at the age where my addicted son started dabbling in drugs and alcohol. I watch him like a hawk. We have had too many shouting matches that have ended with him screaming that he is NOT HIS BROTHER! I just can't help myself. I WON''T DO THIS AGAIN!
ReplyDeleteNotmyboy, thanks for sharing that. My daughter and I had yet another shouting match last night. I wanted to calmly discuss with her the behavior that worries me. We ended up getting pretty loud. I walked away picked up a book that I have been reading, "Stay Close" and read something that made me go back to her and tell her that I handled our previous conversation wrong. I acknowledged to her that I know that she is angry that we allowed her brother back in the house a week ago after we learned he had stolen property from us. I gave her permission to be angry. I tried to explain that her brother will always be an addict and because of the choices he has made up to now he has limited a lot of options for his future. I apologized that she has had to live through the chaos of his addiction and apologized that so much of my time and her dad's time has been spent dealing with the addict. I admitted that I realize that there have been times that she needed my attention and I wasn't able to provide it fully because of her brother's behavior. This opened a dialouge that we needed to have. She cried, I cried and I think we moved to a new place in our relationship. She is in counseling now and I think that it helps to have someone outside of the chaos that she can talk to. I'll keep you and your son's in my prayers. At one point this past week I thought the same things as you, I just don't have the energy to continue this fight with another child. I can't lose her to drugs and alcohol.
ReplyDeleteI know we can't sacrifice all our children for the sake of one, but on the other hand....
ReplyDelete(I don't know if you are Christian), Jesus told the parable of the shepherd who left his flock to tend to the one who was lost. I suppose as parents we always love the one who needs it the most, be it cancer or addiction. It sucks that these kids were dealt the hand of an addicted sibling, but they could just as easily have had a sibling suffering with cancer. My brother-in-law's brother died of cancer at age 18 after suffering for nearly five years. During that time, his parents lived nearly 200 miles away at the closest cancer hospital while friends of the family tended to him and his remaining siblings. Was is difficult? YES! Would his parent have chosen that life for their other children? NO WAY! We are in a similar situation with our addicted children, and it sucks for all involved.
Yes, it does suck for everyone.It is not fair, for anyone. This disease will steal the life from everyone near the addict if we let it. That is the thing, we can't let it drag everyone down. I have to be strong for her while still being there for and loving him. I think if was cancer everyone would be more understanding."Oh my goodness, her son has cancer.What can we do to help?" I hear you sister. It is not an easy road that we travel.
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