I heard that from someone. I have been working on that with my son. He is an addict but he is also my wonderful, beautiful son. I am learning to seperate the two. I really, really don't like the addict. I don't like the way he looks, behaves, speaks and even the way he smells. When the addict walks into the same room I am in I instantly tense up and recoil from him. When my son walks in and his eyes are full of light, I smile and my heart fills with hope.
So, where are we at today? 3 good days! Yeah, I know that it is Friday and it is very early to be "counting my chickens". But for now I am thankful. My son has had a job for 3 whole weeks. He is a server in a restaurant. He likes the job and has made it every day so far. When he is at my house he rides with me to work. One day this week he actually said, "Mom, if you don't hurry up I am going to be late!" You all know how happy that made me! Of course I got him there in plenty of time.
Today I stopped by his work to take something he needed to him. He was in his element. Smiling and waiting on his customers and they were responding to him. He is really a good guy when he is sober. People have always been drawn to him.....when he is sober. The addict has driven so many people away, but the sober son draws them to him.
My son's soon to be ex-wife, brought my 8 month old grandson to me today and we a had a wonderful 2 hour play date. It makes me sad that she won't let my son see him right now so that means when my son is here my grandson can't be. But, that is where we are at today. Tomorrow or next week might be different. My son knows he has to prove that he can safely be with his son and that he must be willing to provide for his son before he does anything else (eg. spend his pay check on drugs and booze).
So, today (early in the day on a Friday) we are in a good place.
Blessings to you all. Thank you for receiving me into your "family".
I have heard that too, "meet them where they are", I like it and think its helpful. I really like what you wrote in your profile about your grandson being perfect :) Isnt' that the truth? Nothing as special as a baby grandchild!!! I have to ask, what is a "ratchi" is it a rat terrier and a chihuahua?
ReplyDeleteI am hoping the very best for your son. Never, ever give up hope and enjoy every single good day. I know exactly how it feels to love your real son, but not the addict, I feel the same way.
I think I could have written that myself. It is interesting that a lot of addicts have that quality that draws people to them. My son has always had more friends then he could handle. All my friends always thought he was so polite - play dates when he was younger? They always wanted him back. His kindergarten teacher told my Husband and I that she wished she could clone him he was such a great kid. Three weeks on a job for most addicts is amazing.... The longest for my son was 6 weeks and he was written up twice before they reduced his hours to 12 a week and he quit. It was a good job for a 19 year old. I guess they didn't like him showing up late all the time and taking his breaks to go to his car and smoke Oxi's or by then maybe H. He is now 20, no job and still addicted. No desire to get a job either. I love my son more than anything, I despise the addict.
ReplyDeleteI love what you wrote about your son today. Knowing that there is a huge difference between your son and the addict speaks volumes about you and your willingness to meet him right where he is. For a great many years my husband's disease of alcoholim made me separate the disease from the man. Today, my husband is sober, happy, joyous and free.
ReplyDeleteBarbara, you are correct! Lucy, the ratchi, has the face of a chihuahua and the body of a rat terrier. My son actually brought her home when she was small enough to fit in my pocket. She was supposed to be his dog. Well, we all know how that ended. LOL
ReplyDeleteTori, when my son was 6 or 7 he rode his bike all over the neighborhood. When I waslked around the block folks would refer to me as "Zach's Mom". He knew everyone and everyone loved him. It is still that way until they meet the addict.
Average_Jo_lene, I am so happy for you and your husband that today he is sober. My son has had 3 days....he didn't make it back to my house last night so, we will deal with that as necessary.
Peace to you all.
Terri, your Ratchi must be so cute! I have a Rat Terrier and a Chiweenie! :)
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