Letters passing in the mail

I wrote my son a letter last week. I got one from him about the same time he got mine. Weird, right?


As I predicted he was asking about visits with his son, "If it isn't too much trouble", and, "Could you send pictures of Dante, if it isn't too much trouble". HA! I like the way all of the sudden he is considering if he is causing too much trouble.


I am still not sure what to do about visits with his son.


I just put a letter in the mail for him that tells him that another friend of his died of an overdose over the weekend. This guy had been sober for more than a year. He died on Friday.


This drug is so evil. It doesn't care who it takes down.


I'm tired................tired.

Almost 30 days....

I'm not sure how I am feeling right now. It is almost the 30 day mark for my son in this new rehab and he will be able to make phone calls and begin to have visits. Part of me feels very anxious to hear from him and part of me feels well, anxious about hearing from him.


I'd like to know he is okay but I really don't want to know if things are awful there and I don't want to hear him snivel and whine.


I know he is going to expect me to bring his son to visit right away. I don't know if that will be the right thing to do. My grandson hasn't seen his dad in 5 months and truthfully I can't remember the last time he saw his dad sober. He calls his step dad, "Dad". I may need to reach out to my therapist or a child development specialist to get an expert opinion. My son has talked to his son on the phone a couple of times and my grandson always asks him, "What is your name?" It is heart breaking.


Anyway, I'll deal with it one step at a time. That is the only way to do it.


I hope you guys are seeing sunshine. The sun came out in Arkansas today and we have hopes for some warmer weather. Come on springtime!!!!

The Beast

The beast claimed another life yesterday.....I doubt that it was the only one. The one we all heard about was a well known actor.  He is really no different than the ones we didn't hear about yesterday. The actor, just like our addicted loved ones, lived each day with that devil on one shoulder telling them to just pick up one more time, it'll be okay. And their conscience on the other saying, "Please, please, please don't do it!"

As I sit here this morning I am wondering, does the beast claim a life the first time an addict uses or does it claim the life after the addict is gone? From what I have witnessed with my son, the beast claimed his life the first time he put a needle in his arm and allowed the beast into his body. The beast has been the director, orchestrator, the boss of my son's life for the past 7 years. The beast has owned my son for that long.

Does the beast own him or is he merely renting out space? My prayer is that he is renting out space and that the lease has expired.

I hope you all have a great week and I pray that this is the day all of our addicted loved ones see their way out of the craziness.

Letters a plenty

When I talked to the intake guy for the newest rehab my son managed to get himself into, I was told that my son could write all the letters he wanted to the first 30 days and I could write all I wanted to.


I haven't been inclined to write and I guess he hasn't either.


Oh, well!!!