I'd never thought about needing go detach from my non-addict children...until yesterday morning. We had plans to go and visit my in-laws who live about an hour away. The grandson is here for the weekend (yay!) and we were taking him to see his great-grandparents who haven't seen him since May. My daughter, who is almost 19 and lives with us, promised to go with us so she could spend time with her grandparents. It was almost time to go and she wasn't out of bed yet. I woke her up and she really didn't want to get out of bed. My response was, "Well, I am not going to try and make you go" to which she replied "I'll go one day when I am off work." I just laughed then I went about getting myself and the baby ready to go. In the past I would have argued with her, tried to make her feel bad, worried about how bad my in-laws would feel because she didn't show up......etc. I was just able to let it go. It hit me pretty suddenly how different that response was to the way I would have responded even 3 months ago. I was able to go and enjoy my visit without worrying about how everyone else was feeling. I am not responsible for everyone else.. What a liberating feeling to have!
I hope all of you are enjoying a peaceful and serene Labor Day weekend. Praying for your kids and for mine.
Hi Teri,
ReplyDeleteI read this yesterday and thought I left a comment, I think sometimes I think I do, but I don't :)
Good for you for experiencing the freedom of detaching.
And guess what? She kept a lunch date with her grandmother today! I'm so impressed with her. Thanks Barbara.
ReplyDeleteI look at it as giving up the desire to be controlling. I know that has been a big problem for me, wanting to be in control. Now I try to just control myself, which is not easy as evidence by me being sidelined with foot surgery. I went back to work today and I am paying for it now with a swollen, aching foot. I need to watch over myself more and control my recovery. Sorry to ramble....
ReplyDeleteOh my! I hope you mend quickly. Take are of yourself.
ReplyDeleteControl? Who has the desire to control things? LOL It is kind of nice to let go of some of the things I thougt I needed to control.
it's interesting how the "life skills" we learn in our interactions w/ addictions translate so easily to other aspects of our lives...
ReplyDeletedetachment ...avoiding drama etc etc... all come in handy!
Absoulutely!
ReplyDelete