POAs spend a lot of their time waiting. Waiting for our addicted son or daughter to get home, waiting for the phone to ring, waiting for the next arrest, waiting to for the next shoe to drop, waiting....waiting....waiting.
I thought about this as I was waiting for my son to get off work because I offered to take him to sign a lease on his new apartment. Then I had to wait on him at the bank. Now I am waiting to see what happens next.
I feel like I have relapsed. My husband told our son that we would pay his deposit for the apartment. Then we decided together that we would help him by adding our name to his application for the apartment and for the utilities because there is no way he could be approved for the lease and he walked out on his utilities 2 years ago before he went to rehab. Now, I am feeling anxious. Anxious that my son won't keep his end of the bargain and we will be stuck with the remainder of the lease. I am kicking myself right now for agreeing to do that.
On the other hand. Maybe, just maybe........
Until I know, I'll just have to wait.
You know.....I think we just have to do what we can, when we can, until we can't do it anymore. Maybe it will work out. Maybe not. But either way, its not going to be the end of the world for anyone. It will all go the way its going to go. Can you tell that maybe I have done the same things a few times? Just a few. :o)
ReplyDeleteThanks. ;-)
DeleteIt is the most sickening feeling when we trust our addicts and do something that we think will help them and then they fail. But I suppose it's the addict that suffers the most because they feel they have let us down, yet again, and the self esteem plummets - thus begins the cycle of using again to "not feel" those feelings. I've been there with signing for apartments, putting things in our name, all In the name of "helping" her get back on her feet. I've been burned each time (and sued) and swear I have learned my lesson. But nooooo, I recently paid a lot of money for her to go to a psychologist who, in my opinion, is nothing but a legalized drug dealer. Every time she goes and mentions any thing, like not being able to sleep, he gives her yet another drug to take. What I'm always waiting for is for her to get up finally for the day so she will answer the phone so I know she she's still alive; after all I'm the only one who talks to her, so no one would even know for a long time if she's laying in bed dead. How sick this has all become. I always thought my daughter really had good intentions of holding up her end of the bargain in whatever had been negotiated, but now I'm thinking I was just plain manipulated, lied to, and used as Plan B. She never had anything invested in whatever we were "helping" to provide, so in her mind she had nothing to lose. Sorry I'm ranting but one more and then I promise I'll stop. I asked her if this doctor knew she was an addict when he prescribed all these med's. She said no it didn't come up. His answer for people abusing them was they have to come to him every month for a new prescription and he doesn't do early refills (at 140.00 each month visit). That's ridiculous, doesn't he know she could be trading them (or selling) them for the drug of her choice which is an illegal drug. This is not to say this will happen with your son. I have seen this work with other POA's (giving a helping hand), and their addict did fine. I'll pray for your son; that this helping hand is just what he needed; to know you trust him and believe in him. Change
ReplyDeleteThank you for the prayers.
DeleteBeen there, done that, how many times? Between her dad and me, I really don't even know. Her stuff has been left everywhere from here to Myrtle Beach where I set her up with her last apartment. At least I think that is where her Christmas decorations still are. It does not matter, what is done is done. Don't sweat the small stuff. If it does not work out, another lesson learned the hard way. But, there is hope that it works out. Don't beat yourself up, it's easy to do but it serves no purpose. It will be ok. Hugs...
ReplyDeleteI love hearing from you! Thank you.
DeleteTerri,
ReplyDeleteDarlene and I will probably be in Northern Arkansas next week with no particular agenda on a motorcyce ride. If you would like to have coffee and meet let me know. teamplayer@aol.com