Another one of THOSE days

I feel like I cope well most days lately. I have re-learned how good it is to laugh....I mean really laugh until my stomach muscles hurt. Taking time to leave my desk at work and go walk through the rose gardens that I can see from my window is a treat I allow myself. Most days letting go of the notion that I have control of anything but myself gets easier. So, I feel like I am in a much better place overall.

On Wednesday evening of this week a calling card from a warrant officer was left in my front door. Right before my son left the state he was cited for 3 counts of paraphernalia and was given a court date, of course he didn't go. Now he has a failure to appear. I have know this for weeks and have been able to let it go. Somehow, seeing that card brought the world crashing around me. I'm not sure why. I started thinking about how unfair it is that I have an addicted son, how I have police officers leaving their cards at my house, how I know more about drug addiction than I ever thought possible. I know what addiction looks like, smells like and the damage it does to everyone and everything it touches.

I am suspicious of everything. The other day I saw a little baggie on the driveway. I automatically assumed it was used to hold drugs. I could feel my blood pressure rise and my anxiety level sky rocket. I picked it up and it contained four little screws that must have fallen out of my husband's truck. All of that energy spent on nothing.

I am working on getting to a more level place. I feel better today but still feeling a little anxious. I keep reminding myself that there is hope, my son is alive today, so there is hope.

My grandson is coming tomorrow for the weekend. We plan to get him in the pool for the first time this year. He loved it last year, I hope he will this year too. I think after I get that little curly headed kiddo in my arms all will be right in my world again.


Prayers for us all today!