I'm still here folks! I'm transitioning back into the strong woman that I used to be before I let my soon to be ex-husband run my life for me. It took awhile to get to the point that I realized that I am a strong, smart and very capable woman. I know that I was beginning to find her while dealing with my son's addiction but after my ex left I had two choices, wallow in grief and self-pity or get up and move on.
After years of dealing with grief and self-pity dealing with an addicted son I was TIRED of that choice! I have made some big changes in the past 90 days. I moved away from the house that I had lived in for 15 years to a town an hour away. I'm not close enough to jump up and run to any of my children or grandchildren. Grown folks are having to deal with stuff on their own. The ex is having to be interrupted in whatever he is going through to do things like, run an insurance card to my daughter at the walk in clinic. Go help her move her stuff from one house to the next.
I have a new job that leaves me with energy and time to do things that I enjoy. My life is really opening up and becoming more and more enjoyable for me with each day. Really, I feel fairly stress free for the first time in years. My life is simple. I don't make much money and the house I live in is not fancy but it is comfortable. I'm learning that simple and comfortable are very important things to me.
My son is still using. I'm pretty sure it is meth now but I don't have proof. I rarely talk to him on the phone, I last saw him a month ago and it was an awful visit. He only contacts me when he wants something from me. I don't do anything for him. I've run out of the will for that.
I'm making arrangements to see my grand kids next weekend. That is the one thing that I miss about being close. I can't just run get them anytime I get the urge. You know....I think that is a good thing too. I think sometimes I used their visits as a distraction from some of the things that were going on in my house and my marriage. I don't know. Anyway, I do know that I will enjoy them every time I get to spend time with them.
I'm finding my spiritual self again and that is really nice. I've started exercising and watching my diet. I have a friend that encourages me and even works out with me sometimes. I've lost 32 pounds since February. Life for me is just really good.
I've been reading blogs some and note the ups and downs. I'll try to do better about checking in. Helga is a super sleuth!!! She found me on Facebook. That just reinforced that all of us POAs are connected in some way. I think about each of you often and you are all always in my prayers.
