Is this usual?

So, my son got kicked out of his sober living for all the "fun" he had in the bar last night. We weren't sure earlier in the day what would happen. I guess about an hour ago he called his dad and told him that he had to be out of there by curfew tonight.

Dad offered to pay to get him back in inpatient if my son could manage to get a bed there. Offered to come and pick him up and take him there. Son came up with "plan b".

His sponsor has an extra room in his house. He is going to let my son stay there with him. Is that usual? It just seems odd to me. This is the first time my son actually went as far as to get a sponsor so I am not sure what kind of boundaries there are supposed to be with that type of relationship.

Dad told son that the offer of paying for in-patient is still on the table but if he makes the decision to go and get high then all bets are off.

He sent me a text and told me he didn't want us to be mad and that he wants us to be supportive in his recovery. I told him that we are always supportive of recovery and that I am not mad and that I love him.

His life, his decisions, his consequences.

I jinxed it.

I wrote about relapse in my last post. Must it be inevitable?

My son thought he could go to a bar and listen to some music and get up on the stage and sing a few songs and stay sober. When he got back to the sober living facility he got a breathalyzer and was busted.

He has to meet with his counselor today and they will determine the next step. Likely he go back to inpatient for two weeks.

Did he get the money by selling the gift cards that I gave him? Maybe. Does that make me responsible for the relapse? No. His decision, his relapse, his consequences. Did I learn something from this myself? Yes. Only food, necessity items and clothing from here on out.

This is the first time he relapsed that I didn't feel crushed. A little sad, a little disappointed but not crushed. This is the first time that I have felt that it really has nothing to do with me. There is not a damn thing I could have done to stop it.

I am thankful that this happened in a controlled environment. He went back got busted and is dealing with the consequences. This is improvement. He could have decided not to go back to the sober living facility and go on another binge but he didn't. This could be a good thing. I am hopeful that it will be.

Paths that cross

When I wrote this particular post a month or so ago, I had not seen the father that I mentioned there, in our work place. I have seen him twice in the last couple of weeks. The first time we just exchanged hellos from opposite ends of the hallway.

Today we actually walked toward the front of the building together. He asked how I was and I responded by telling him that today I am good. He told me his son had already relapsed but was lucky enough not to get kicked out of his transitional living. Actually the way he phrased it was, "he already had his relapse". Which implies to me that he thinks it is inevitable. It happens I know, boy do I know, but must it be inevitable. Some of the addicts I talk to say it doesn't need to be.

I told him that I was sorry to hear that. He just shook his said, "I just don't know, I thought he had reached the end. I just don't know". Then he said, "I guess that is just the life of addiction". I agreed and said that it really stinks for all of us. I offered to keep praying for his son and we parted ways.

Somehow I always thought this man was taller. I did have on heels today but I towered over him. Could it be that he is letting his son's addiction literally beat him down?

I saw my son today. I took him some gift cards for food and one for a restaurant that is across the street from where he is staying. I know he can sell them if he wants to but that will be a decision he will have to make and live with. He looked great, he was clean, clothes were clean, he smiled freely and laughed easily. I hope this guy sticks around. I'd like to get to know him better.

Thankful that today my son is picking life.

A Good Day

My grandson and I picked his daddy up from his chem free living place this morning at 9:30 and headed west to visit with family there for the day. My parent's home. This is the first time my son has been there since he went on his last binge and was not allowed to come back to live.

My dad met my son and grandson on the front porch and wrapped them both in the biggest hug. It kind of made my heart hurt just a little, but in a good way.

We ate and laughed and played. It was a very good day.

Here is daddy and son on the way home this evening.

Humble

I think humble is the way that I would describe my son right now. I don't know that I have ever seen him humble. He just seems thankful for where he is and the work he is doing. He doesn't ask for much. Food sometimes, a few dollars for laundry. Last week he asked for money to go to a special event with his sponsor.

He is trying to find a job. I hope he finds one soon because I believe it would make him feel better about himself. I think he is embarrassed to ask us for money. He knows we have been taking care of his son during the past....hell, for most of the child's 2 1/2 years. Anyway, we won't go there.

I hope that this is sincere. I hope that he continues down the path of sobriety.

Thankful that for today my son has chosen life.

His Feet Are Moving

Annette wrote that on my last post. When my son called me from the hospital he detoxed in the first 24 hours he was there and said that he tired of this life style, I told him to "show me" because I have had enough of words.

I have had very little contact with him this go around. We talk on the phone for a few minutes a couple of times a week. I go by and see him maybe once a week for a few minutes. Last Saturday was the longest period of time we have spent together since he entered treatment. We saw him once a week for family group when he was in residential.

In the past I would ask questions about his treatment plan, how he spends his day, questions that were meant to ferret out whether or not he was getting what he needs to be "fixed" when returned to the real world. I had regular contact with his counselor.

I don't even know his counselor's name this time. This time I let him tell me what he wants me to know. I don't make suggestions about where he should look for jobs or how long he should stay there. This his journey.

Yes, Annette his feet are indeed moving.

I am thankful that for today that my son has continued to choose life.

Moving right along

My son came to our house on Saturday to enjoy a meal with most of his family, minus a sister and brother that had to work. He met his niece for the first time and got to spend some fun time with his son. It was a very good day for all of us.

I went by to take my son some stuff during my lunch break. He told me that he went to a 6:30 a.m. meeting with some folks staying in the facility he is in. He said he was in the kitchen area and a group was headed out and asked if he wanted to go. He said, "I didn't even know that they had 6:30 a.m. meetings". At this meeting he met a man who is a Vietnam veteran and who is 24 years clean from heroin. He asked the man to be his sponsor. I told him that God must have put him in that kitchen at 6:00 a.m. for a reason. He looked pleased with himself and like he is excited about something again. He is going to a meeting again tonight and then to another event with his sponsor afterward.

He told me that this guy is a real bad ass. I asked if he is as bad ass as my son thought he was at one point. He said, "Yeah, but this guy is real deal. He won't take any of my bullshit". This sounds like the perfect sponsor for my kid.

So again today, I am thankful that my son chose life. I am hopeful that he will again tomorrow as well.