Sad Stuff

A friend of my daughter's is struggling with opiate addiction. My daughter has distanced herself from this friend because while she loves her she doesn't want to be around her while she is using or high. She has been through enough of that with her brother.

This friend's mom has reached out to me in the past for advice about how to deal with her daughter's addiction. Today she reached out again. She found needles in her daughter's room. She plans to ask her to move out today. She was seeking validation of this decision.

We all know that there are no cut and dry answers that work for every family. What works for one family doesn't necessarily work for another. What I shared with her is that right now her daughter has a warm bed, plenty to eat and a very comfortable place to get high. As long as her mom is putting gas in her car, paying her cell phone bill, paying her rent and buying her groceries that the daughter has nothing to do with her money except buy drugs and stay high. I told her that she should do what she thought she could live with.

We talked about possible scenarios when she tells her to leave, begging, promising not to use, anger, possible violence, or she could just leave.

The last thing I told this mom is that she is not the cause of her daughter's addiction. She didn't teach her to buy drugs, she didn't use drugs with her daughter, she doesn't load the needles for her. Her daughter made the decision to pick up and only her daughter can make the decision to stop.

I also gave her the titles of a couple of blogs that I read. I encouraged her to reach out to other parents who have already walked this path or are still walking it. She needs to know that she is not alone in this nightmare.

You never know who you will see at rehab....

My husband I went for the family group session at the rehab my son is at on Saturday. Both of us feeling a little angry that we are in this spot again. I guess that is not how we should feel but there you go. It was good to see him, he didn't look as bright eyed as I had hoped. In fact he actually looked high to me. He said he had been tested two times since he had been there so I am hoping it was just my imagination. I guess time will tell.

When we walked in the room was full and there were only two seats left together so that is where my husband and I sat. I didn't immediately notice the gentleman and lady sitting just to our right but when I did the man looked very familiar, then I thought to myself, "No way". I was hoping I was wrong but when introductions were made I realized who it was. It was the judge that oversaw my son's juvenile case 7 years ago. A man that I know on a professional basis. He was just elected to a higher court which means he works down the hall from me. I didn't make eye contact with him but both he and his wife looked my direction more than once. I know he must have been mortified. I was embarrassed for him. They were there to see their son who is a couple of years older than mine.

This just goes to show you that addiction is not picky. It will take anyone it can down to hell with it. I will reach out to him next week and let him know that I respect his families right to privacy and that I have no intention of telling anyone that I saw him there.

Geez Louise, this disease is running rampant. Is there anyway to stop it?

He called.

Yesterday I called the counselor that has been assigned to my son and left a message on his voice mail letting him know that we were wondering about how our son is doing. Later in the day my son called. I am always so surprised when I hear him sober after he has been high for several weeks. He always sounds strong and confident. I let it warm my heart for minute before I put my "force field" back up.

He is still talking about going to chem free living when he is discharged from residential. He was worried about coming up with the up front money. I told him that his dad and I would be willing to help with the money if he completes residential and he has a plan when he discharges. The chem free housing is located within walking distance to lots of places he might be able to find employment. This will be essential because he doesn't have a vehicle and currently has a suspended driver's license.

He asked about us coming to visit. Saturday is family group. My husband and I are required to provide documentation that we attended an Al-Anon meeting in order to be allowed to participate, which is something that would probably be helpful to us both. I attended several sessions in the past and it seemed to help me keep things in perspective. Al-Anon also gave me the foundation to build my recovery plan on and I am really not a "group" person.

My son is also eager to see his son. Last time he was in rehab I took the baby every other weekend on Saturday and Sunday. I really went out of my way to make this happen. I'm not sure I am willing to give my time to do that again. 30 days is really not that long. In fact tomorrow he only has 23 days left. I don't know what I will do, I guess I'll let myself decide when the time comes.

Cautiously hopeful. I can't even say cautiously optimistic. I'm not really sure that I am optimistic, just hopeful. For today that will have to do.

Have a good week.

This makes me smile no matter what.

Hope it made you smile too!

Monkey House!

I like saying that! Monkey House! We had a great time. I tried to take pictures but my grandson moved way to fast. He played and then would stop for a minute to say, "I havin' fun Gawanny!". Well worth the 3 hour trip. :-)

My parents sent my son's stuff that he left at their house home with me. His guitar was one of the things. I wonder if he knew that he was going to go on binge and was afraid he would pawn it agin. I don't have any way of knowing this so I am going to let it go.

Hope you all had a good weekend.

Day Two

I haven't heard from my son since dropping him off at the rehab on Wednesday. I was given only a very brief overview of how families can be involved. I guess most important piece of family involvement for the the day was that they ran my debit card before I walked out the door.  I shouldn't be so cynical.

I looked forward to seeing my grand baby all day yesterday and finally got him home, fed, bathed and in bed when.....he got sick, everywhere! Poor little man. He is on a pretty powerful antibiotic for an ear infection and I am guessing that is what caused it. I should have waited and let him eat supper before giving it to him. I gave it to him again this morning after he had his second cup of milk and I assume that he handled it okay because I haven't heard from the daycare or his mom yet.

If all is well at the end of the day he and I are headed to my parents house so that we can attend my  nieces 6th birthday tomorrow. The party will be held at a place call "The Monkey House". That should be fun!

I hope you all have a peace filled weekend.

So Tired!

The social worker from the rehab called this morning to say that everything is a go for my son to come there today. I worked with the hosptial staff to get the dischage taken care ASAP. I was acutally on my way out of the door to go to work when the call came.....sudden change of plans. I am lucky to work where I have leave time and an understanding boss.

I found myself a little irriated to have the "professionals" expalin to me about addiction and procedures. I know it is just because I am tired, normally I let them recite their script and just nod my head. When the person at the rehab explained that if he leaves before the end of treatment there are no refunds, I wanted to scream, "dammit! I know this!"

Anyway, when I was waiting for him to discharge from the hospital he was all giddy. Flirting with the older lady that was detoxing from alcohol and all of the nurses. After we left and he called for directions to the facility we were going to he deflated immediately. "Mom, I am going to be staying in the hood". Again, I wanted to scream, "Better there than dead in a ditch". I just nodded my head. Hell, I have picked him up from places scarier than where I left him today. What did he expect? Celebrity Rehab? Pools, sandy beaches?

I know, really I do. I am just so, so tired of all of this.

I am thankful that he is there. I am hopeful that he will take advantage of what they have to offer and make it his. I know only he can do it. He owns this. All I have left on my to do list is to let him know I love him and I am am very hopeful for him.

I know that I need to take care of me and somehow I will muster the energy to do that. Today I want to sit here and feel sorry for myself for a little while. That's okay isn't it?

Tomorrow I will get up and go to work and fake it until I get it together again. I feel like I am falling apart at the seams right now.

Thank you all for your supportive words. Once again I am not sure how I could get through these times without all of you that really understand what I am dealing with.