I went to clean out my son's apartment today. I'm glad I had some time with a couple of friends of mine before I went. It made my overall day much nicer.
I only threw up two times. Once when cleaning the dishes out of the kitchen. I didn't wash them I only tried to rinse them off as well as I could with only cold water. At one point I reach in and grabbed a greasy mess of something. That was the first time I got sick.
The second time was in the bathroom. I knew it was bad but I started thinking about how a female, addict or not, could stand using that nasty bathroom. I'm not usually that weak stomached but today was really hard.
I really think that it is cleaner now than when he moved it. That is just my OCD. I can't stand to leave a nasty place behind.
And what is with soot marks through the entire apartment??? Why can't they designate one room to do drugs in? I know, none of it makes sense.
I'm glad I did an initial go through and threw a bunch of stuff away.
I'm just glad this is over. I will not put myself through this again. Pinkie swear!!!!
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Signing on the dotted line.......
I have learned not to co-sign for anything with my son. At least not until he has had some proven sobriety under his belt. Years of proven sobriety!
I co-signed a lease for him back in September when he had a great job and was living in a homeless shelter. When he had the money to pay the first month's rent we agreed to pay the deposit and co-sign the lease so he would be eligible. Within in a month everything went to hell in a hand basket. He was shooting everything he made into his arm and never paid utilities (also in my name) and but for his last annuity check, would not have paid any rent. We insisted that he pay at least through the end of the year and pay us back the month we covered for him. In reality, he only earned money to pay one month's rent. He was drugging up his entire pay check.
We knew that my job was ending at the end of December so we socked away enough to cover January. The landlord has been very accommodating to me. He let me in the apartment to do some cleaning at the first of this month. I let him know then that we weren't sure what was going to happen with our son, he sort of indicated then that he was willing to work with us and my son no matter what the outcome was.
I called him yesterday to let him know that my son was court ordered to long term treatment and would not be coming back to the apartment. I asked to get into the apartment this week to clean it out and get it ready for the next renter. They are going to release me from the lease. Thank goodness. We won't get the deposit back but at least I won't have that black mark on my credit.
Also yesterday, a counselor from the rehab called to ask me about bringing my son's clothes. I explained that I have to work with the landlord to get into the apartment since I don't have a key. Then I added, "Frankly, I am not jumping through hoops to make it happen either" and that I would get them there at some point this week. She said, "I understand. You have already jumped through all of those hoops haven't you?" Yes ma'am and then some!!!!
I hope you are seeing a little sunshine where you are today. Both figuratively and literally!
I co-signed a lease for him back in September when he had a great job and was living in a homeless shelter. When he had the money to pay the first month's rent we agreed to pay the deposit and co-sign the lease so he would be eligible. Within in a month everything went to hell in a hand basket. He was shooting everything he made into his arm and never paid utilities (also in my name) and but for his last annuity check, would not have paid any rent. We insisted that he pay at least through the end of the year and pay us back the month we covered for him. In reality, he only earned money to pay one month's rent. He was drugging up his entire pay check.
We knew that my job was ending at the end of December so we socked away enough to cover January. The landlord has been very accommodating to me. He let me in the apartment to do some cleaning at the first of this month. I let him know then that we weren't sure what was going to happen with our son, he sort of indicated then that he was willing to work with us and my son no matter what the outcome was.
I called him yesterday to let him know that my son was court ordered to long term treatment and would not be coming back to the apartment. I asked to get into the apartment this week to clean it out and get it ready for the next renter. They are going to release me from the lease. Thank goodness. We won't get the deposit back but at least I won't have that black mark on my credit.
Also yesterday, a counselor from the rehab called to ask me about bringing my son's clothes. I explained that I have to work with the landlord to get into the apartment since I don't have a key. Then I added, "Frankly, I am not jumping through hoops to make it happen either" and that I would get them there at some point this week. She said, "I understand. You have already jumped through all of those hoops haven't you?" Yes ma'am and then some!!!!
I hope you are seeing a little sunshine where you are today. Both figuratively and literally!
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Happy 2014
I have been MIA for a minute or two. First thing, does anyone that uses Blogger know how to remove someone from your reading list? I am getting all kinds of advice about things I am not interested in reading from someone but I can't figure out how to hide or delete them.
Okay, here is what has been happening in my life. I had a great holiday with the family that was available to me. I took the law school admission test, LSAT, on January 4th and I did okay. I was the only person in the room wearing reading glasses and I was one of the few in the room who wasn't hyperventilating. I don't think I really want to go to law school but it is nice to know I could get in if I wanted to.
I am unemployed for almost a month and haven't slowed a bit. I thought I would take a couple of weeks to rest and take care of me. I have been taking care of me but I haven't really rested. I have had my grand kids with me on weeknights, I have started cleaning and organizing my house, I have done more reading of things not related to addiction and I have started working out again. I am starting to feel human again. I will have to go back to work in the next month or so doing something but this time has been invaluable for me.
My son managed to convince a rehab to admit him so that he could get out of jail. He had several call me about payment. I told them all that we don't have the money to invest in treatment again. We are still in debt from the last couple of go rounds. I assured them that we love him very much but we have nothing more to give other than that love and hope that he will make a change.
One guy called to ask me about my son's drug history. I recounted it as best I could. He told me he was looking for the truth because my son told him that this was the first time he had been in trouble and he was suspicious that he wasn't being honest. I told him that I was suspicious that my son was only interested in getting out of jail and not so interested in treatment.
Is that wrong? I really think that he is manipulating the system to get out of jail. I don't think he is going to learn anything except he got away with something. I know that he will be on probation and will be drug tested etc. It is just mother's intuition that he is not ready. I HOPE that I am wrong.
He can't have visitors for 30 days. We can write letters but no phone calls. I'm not stressed over that. I didn't go see him in jail.....he didn't even ask that I come visit. I haven't seen him since October right after his birthday. Right after he shot $1000 up.
Since my name is on is lease I will have to talk to the landlord about the lease. I think that they will let me off if I just clean the place up and get it ready for a new renter. After I get out of this I am going to call it a lesson learned. I won't quickly sign my name to anything for my son.
Oh, I forgot....his apartment was broken into and everything of sort of value was taken. It ransacked. I was able to get in by the landlord and look around. There were still some needles there, a couple of capsules that I think contain heroin.
Anyway, today my life is sunny. My son is alive and I have hope that he will take advantage of that.
Take care!!!
Okay, here is what has been happening in my life. I had a great holiday with the family that was available to me. I took the law school admission test, LSAT, on January 4th and I did okay. I was the only person in the room wearing reading glasses and I was one of the few in the room who wasn't hyperventilating. I don't think I really want to go to law school but it is nice to know I could get in if I wanted to.
I am unemployed for almost a month and haven't slowed a bit. I thought I would take a couple of weeks to rest and take care of me. I have been taking care of me but I haven't really rested. I have had my grand kids with me on weeknights, I have started cleaning and organizing my house, I have done more reading of things not related to addiction and I have started working out again. I am starting to feel human again. I will have to go back to work in the next month or so doing something but this time has been invaluable for me.
My son managed to convince a rehab to admit him so that he could get out of jail. He had several call me about payment. I told them all that we don't have the money to invest in treatment again. We are still in debt from the last couple of go rounds. I assured them that we love him very much but we have nothing more to give other than that love and hope that he will make a change.
One guy called to ask me about my son's drug history. I recounted it as best I could. He told me he was looking for the truth because my son told him that this was the first time he had been in trouble and he was suspicious that he wasn't being honest. I told him that I was suspicious that my son was only interested in getting out of jail and not so interested in treatment.
Is that wrong? I really think that he is manipulating the system to get out of jail. I don't think he is going to learn anything except he got away with something. I know that he will be on probation and will be drug tested etc. It is just mother's intuition that he is not ready. I HOPE that I am wrong.
He can't have visitors for 30 days. We can write letters but no phone calls. I'm not stressed over that. I didn't go see him in jail.....he didn't even ask that I come visit. I haven't seen him since October right after his birthday. Right after he shot $1000 up.
Since my name is on is lease I will have to talk to the landlord about the lease. I think that they will let me off if I just clean the place up and get it ready for a new renter. After I get out of this I am going to call it a lesson learned. I won't quickly sign my name to anything for my son.
Oh, I forgot....his apartment was broken into and everything of sort of value was taken. It ransacked. I was able to get in by the landlord and look around. There were still some needles there, a couple of capsules that I think contain heroin.
Anyway, today my life is sunny. My son is alive and I have hope that he will take advantage of that.
Take care!!!
Friday, December 27, 2013
Looking forward
I'm still here. The holiday was a little tougher than I anticipated. This was the first Christmas in 25 years that I didn't get to at least see my son. We spoke to him on the phone on Christmas Eve. He talked to his son for a minute. My grandson asked his dad, "What is your name?" That was a punch in the stomach for me. My grandson is only 3 and it has been 3 months since he has seen his dad and it will be another month at least before he will see him again. That is a very long time for a little boy.
Everyone says that he is too little to remember all this but I'm not so sure. On Christmas day the grandson seemed a little lost and sad. I think part of him knows that his dad is supposed to be there. It breaks my heart for both of them.
My crazy in-laws were there and complicated things. They divorced after 51 years of marriage last year. The father-in-law recently moved back in with the mother-in-law. Every time she got me away from the rest of the family she wanted to complain about him. At one point I put my hand on her shoulder and simply said, "So, nothing has changed has it?" and walked away.
Other than those things the rest of the holiday went well. I enjoyed watching the grands open their presents from Santa. My daughter got to spend some quality time with her big brother after the rest of us went to bed on Christmas Eve. She said that his was the best Christmas she has had in a long time and thanked us for it. I know it was more than the gifts and that means a lot.
I resigned my job and the 31st will be my last day. It is a little scary but it is time for me to move on. In addition to the family issues I have been working on (not dealing with, I'm changing the way I think about this) I have a supervisor who can't be pleased. If I take her own words and put them in a report she finds error. I have worked too long in this field to have to put up with that. Anyway, I am relieved to start a new year without worrying about coming back to this desk. I'll find something else soon. My husband is very supportive and is encouraging me to view the time off as a vacation and as a time to re energized and find my balance. Wouldn't that be nice? To feel balanced again?
Anyway, I hope you all got through the holidays with no blips.
Here are a couple of pictures of my grand babies on Christmas. They make me smile and I hope they make you smile as well.
Everyone says that he is too little to remember all this but I'm not so sure. On Christmas day the grandson seemed a little lost and sad. I think part of him knows that his dad is supposed to be there. It breaks my heart for both of them.
My crazy in-laws were there and complicated things. They divorced after 51 years of marriage last year. The father-in-law recently moved back in with the mother-in-law. Every time she got me away from the rest of the family she wanted to complain about him. At one point I put my hand on her shoulder and simply said, "So, nothing has changed has it?" and walked away.
Other than those things the rest of the holiday went well. I enjoyed watching the grands open their presents from Santa. My daughter got to spend some quality time with her big brother after the rest of us went to bed on Christmas Eve. She said that his was the best Christmas she has had in a long time and thanked us for it. I know it was more than the gifts and that means a lot.
I resigned my job and the 31st will be my last day. It is a little scary but it is time for me to move on. In addition to the family issues I have been working on (not dealing with, I'm changing the way I think about this) I have a supervisor who can't be pleased. If I take her own words and put them in a report she finds error. I have worked too long in this field to have to put up with that. Anyway, I am relieved to start a new year without worrying about coming back to this desk. I'll find something else soon. My husband is very supportive and is encouraging me to view the time off as a vacation and as a time to re energized and find my balance. Wouldn't that be nice? To feel balanced again?
Anyway, I hope you all got through the holidays with no blips.
Here are a couple of pictures of my grand babies on Christmas. They make me smile and I hope they make you smile as well.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Different Pages
Dad and I are dealing with our son's incarceration in different ways. Dad wants to disown him, not take phone calls, not go see him, never allow him back in our home ever. He is angry that I am not there and can't understand why I have taken phone calls from him. He can't understand why I would even want to speak to him period.
I can't just throw my son away. I'm not doing anything to enable his addiction. I have just talked to him a couple of times. I am concerned. There have been no deposits to his "book". I haven't been to visit and I have only written one letter.
I don't understand. Maybe I do, maybe Dad is just protecting himself.
I hate feeling this way.
I can't just throw my son away. I'm not doing anything to enable his addiction. I have just talked to him a couple of times. I am concerned. There have been no deposits to his "book". I haven't been to visit and I have only written one letter.
I don't understand. Maybe I do, maybe Dad is just protecting himself.
I hate feeling this way.
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
My Letter
I waited until after the Thanksgiving holiday to write my son back. I forgot to mention that he specified an amount that I should put on his books. Usually when he specifies an amount for anything he already has something on is mind.
I told him that we love him so much. We aren't surprised that he is where he is at. I shared that I have learned from other POAs that and addict will eventually end up in jail or dead and that I have been preparing myself to hear both about him for years. I told him that I am very happy that I got the phone call that he is in jail and that I didn't have to open the door for a police officer to tell me he had died from overdose, accident or had been murdered.
He had indicated that the conditions there were not bad but weren't great either in his letter to us. I pointed out that he is not on vacation, he is in jail because he committed a crime and living in less than ideal conditions is part of the consequence.
I repeated something that I have told him numerous times, that drugs have controlled his life for years now. During that time he has lost a marriage, contact with his son, a relationship with his family, jobs, homes, money, belongings and now his freedom.
I listed the things that he asked for in his letter and gave my response to those requests.
1. Phone card - If he needs to contact someone other than us, then that person can provide a phone card for that purpose. He may call us collect one time a week.
2. Paper, envelops and stamps - I will provide a couple of pieces of paper and a stamped envelop when I write him. He can use those to write whomever he pleases.
3. Money on his book - I pay for his son's daycare, give the son's mom money because he doesn't pay child support and I have to pay his utility bill because it is in my name. I don't have the money to put on his book.
4. Socks - If he needs them I will see if I can drop the ones he already has off at the jail.
He also needs to know that after December he will no longer have an apartment so he needs to plan for a place to stay when he gets out of jail in January.
I repeated that I love him so, so much but that I don't like the person that drugs have made him and that person is not someone that I would pick to associate with. I told him that I have hope that he will find his way.
Even reading back over this it feels harsh. I have never drawn such a straight line in the sand with him before. I just feel like this is the right thing to do at the right time. I just pray that it is so.
Take care everyone.
I told him that we love him so much. We aren't surprised that he is where he is at. I shared that I have learned from other POAs that and addict will eventually end up in jail or dead and that I have been preparing myself to hear both about him for years. I told him that I am very happy that I got the phone call that he is in jail and that I didn't have to open the door for a police officer to tell me he had died from overdose, accident or had been murdered.
He had indicated that the conditions there were not bad but weren't great either in his letter to us. I pointed out that he is not on vacation, he is in jail because he committed a crime and living in less than ideal conditions is part of the consequence.
I repeated something that I have told him numerous times, that drugs have controlled his life for years now. During that time he has lost a marriage, contact with his son, a relationship with his family, jobs, homes, money, belongings and now his freedom.
I listed the things that he asked for in his letter and gave my response to those requests.
1. Phone card - If he needs to contact someone other than us, then that person can provide a phone card for that purpose. He may call us collect one time a week.
2. Paper, envelops and stamps - I will provide a couple of pieces of paper and a stamped envelop when I write him. He can use those to write whomever he pleases.
3. Money on his book - I pay for his son's daycare, give the son's mom money because he doesn't pay child support and I have to pay his utility bill because it is in my name. I don't have the money to put on his book.
4. Socks - If he needs them I will see if I can drop the ones he already has off at the jail.
He also needs to know that after December he will no longer have an apartment so he needs to plan for a place to stay when he gets out of jail in January.
I repeated that I love him so, so much but that I don't like the person that drugs have made him and that person is not someone that I would pick to associate with. I told him that I have hope that he will find his way.
Even reading back over this it feels harsh. I have never drawn such a straight line in the sand with him before. I just feel like this is the right thing to do at the right time. I just pray that it is so.
Take care everyone.
Monday, December 2, 2013
His Letter
My son sent a note to he father and me. It basically told us the same thing that he told me during our phone conversation last week. He told us that he was safe for and that he is tired of running and was going to deal with the hand he has been dealt.
He also gave us a list of things that we can provide or send to him. We could put money on his book, send him a phone card, send him paper and stamped envelopes. He has no socks so that would be nice too. Geez Louise!
I am going to write back today and tell him that I am not going to send a phone card but that I will allow one collect call to us a week. I don't feel like I want to give him a phone card so that he can call the people he has been using with. He can have one of them to send him a phone card if they want to talk to him.
I will also tell him that I will include a couple of pieces of paper and a stamped envelope with each letter that I mail to him. Again, I don't feel obligated to provide a way for him to contact his friends.
He needs socks! I couldn't begin to count the number of times that I have replaced socks that he lost or left behind somewhere. I'll go to his apartment gather up what is there and take them to the jail.
Money on his book, why? I am taking care of his son's financial needs. I don't begrudge that for my grandson at all but I don't feel obligated to meet my son's financial needs.
He got himself in this mess. I really, really don't feel like I need to do anything at this point. He's uncomfortable, GOOD! He needs to feel it.
The holidays went well. We spent a lot of time with the grandbabies and spent time with my family.
It was strange at my parents home. No on asked about my son except my mom. She just wanted to know if we had heard from him. I assumed that everyone knew what was going on and just wanted to ignore it. That was fine with me. I didn't want to talk about it.
We are preparing for Christmas now. What better way to start than with a holiday photo shoot with the granddaughter! I love taking pictures and like trying new things. I had a more fun taking the pictures that Miss Emmy had I am sure. These things make me smile! I am thankful that this little girl has a mommy and daddy who are sober and who make her the center of their lives.
He also gave us a list of things that we can provide or send to him. We could put money on his book, send him a phone card, send him paper and stamped envelopes. He has no socks so that would be nice too. Geez Louise!
I am going to write back today and tell him that I am not going to send a phone card but that I will allow one collect call to us a week. I don't feel like I want to give him a phone card so that he can call the people he has been using with. He can have one of them to send him a phone card if they want to talk to him.
I will also tell him that I will include a couple of pieces of paper and a stamped envelope with each letter that I mail to him. Again, I don't feel obligated to provide a way for him to contact his friends.
He needs socks! I couldn't begin to count the number of times that I have replaced socks that he lost or left behind somewhere. I'll go to his apartment gather up what is there and take them to the jail.
Money on his book, why? I am taking care of his son's financial needs. I don't begrudge that for my grandson at all but I don't feel obligated to meet my son's financial needs.
He got himself in this mess. I really, really don't feel like I need to do anything at this point. He's uncomfortable, GOOD! He needs to feel it.
The holidays went well. We spent a lot of time with the grandbabies and spent time with my family.
It was strange at my parents home. No on asked about my son except my mom. She just wanted to know if we had heard from him. I assumed that everyone knew what was going on and just wanted to ignore it. That was fine with me. I didn't want to talk about it.
We are preparing for Christmas now. What better way to start than with a holiday photo shoot with the granddaughter! I love taking pictures and like trying new things. I had a more fun taking the pictures that Miss Emmy had I am sure. These things make me smile! I am thankful that this little girl has a mommy and daddy who are sober and who make her the center of their lives.
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