My son has a court appearance tomorrow morning for a paraphernalia charge he picked up within 2 weeks of being kicked out of residential treatment for fraternizing with a female resident over a year ago. He had been there for 75 of the 90 days he was approved of.
He pled not guilty to the charge when he went to court in February. It wasn't his vehicle and he didn't have the needles and pipe on his person.
I'm not vested either way in the outcome. If he goes to jail for the 90 days he will lose the job he was supposed to start today but he has lost numerous jobs in the past 8 years so that isn't a new thing for him. If he doesn't go to jail and the case is dismissed he will be able to finally get his driver's license back.
I am going to be out of state for the next several days for work. His dad offered to give him a ride. I guess we will just wait and see.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
I'm Fine!
That was my son's response to the email that I sent to him yesterday. I told him that I was happy to see him at the event but I wasn't happy to see him drunk. I let him know that if he isn't working his program that I don't feel comfortable with him in my home to visit his son or for any other reason. I told him that I hope he gets off this merry-go-round before he ends up in the same bad place that he has been before. I told him that I have faith and hope that he can do this, that I love him and wish him health.
He responded by saying that he is fine! That night was a one night incident and that he was headed to a meeting. He will be fine!
I just wished him well and again told him that I love him.
I thought when I picked him up on Friday for the visit that he smelled like stale booze and cigarettes but I wasn't sure. Like I have said before, words are cheap. The truth is in the work being done. Going into bars is not evidence of work being done.
But you know what, I AM headed to a meeting in about an hour. I AM working on my recovery. I AM fine! :-)
He responded by saying that he is fine! That night was a one night incident and that he was headed to a meeting. He will be fine!
I just wished him well and again told him that I love him.
I thought when I picked him up on Friday for the visit that he smelled like stale booze and cigarettes but I wasn't sure. Like I have said before, words are cheap. The truth is in the work being done. Going into bars is not evidence of work being done.
But you know what, I AM headed to a meeting in about an hour. I AM working on my recovery. I AM fine! :-)
Monday, April 29, 2013
It is just what they do.
My son came to the event that my husband organized last night. I knew that he was planning to come but I was hoping that he wouldn't. A bar is not a good place for him to be and he once again proved it.
I never saw him drink but he was definitely intoxicated. Several people that attended are friends of ours and know that he is an addict. A few came and told me they were sorry. A couple actually chewed him out. I was a little embarrassed but then I told myself that him being drunk has nothing to do with me.
He told me at one point, "At least I'm not out sticking needles in my arms". What sense does that make? I couldn't even respond to him. I made a point not to get into it with him. I didn't want my husband's night ruined by some outburst from my son.
I will have to tell him at some point that if he is not working a recovery program he will not be allowed to come to my home to visit his son. I really believe that is where I am at with this. I have let him come when I knew he was using as long as he wasn't high. At least that was the agreement. Of course if he wasn't high when he arrived he very quickly found a way to get high.
Anyway, other than my son doing what addicts do, the night was awesome. It was very well received by the folks in attendance.
I think my oldest son and his wife are bringing my granddaughter to my office today so that I can show her off! Then I get to go to lunch with them. I will also probably get to pay. Oh, well.
Happy Monday.
I never saw him drink but he was definitely intoxicated. Several people that attended are friends of ours and know that he is an addict. A few came and told me they were sorry. A couple actually chewed him out. I was a little embarrassed but then I told myself that him being drunk has nothing to do with me.
He told me at one point, "At least I'm not out sticking needles in my arms". What sense does that make? I couldn't even respond to him. I made a point not to get into it with him. I didn't want my husband's night ruined by some outburst from my son.
I will have to tell him at some point that if he is not working a recovery program he will not be allowed to come to my home to visit his son. I really believe that is where I am at with this. I have let him come when I knew he was using as long as he wasn't high. At least that was the agreement. Of course if he wasn't high when he arrived he very quickly found a way to get high.
Anyway, other than my son doing what addicts do, the night was awesome. It was very well received by the folks in attendance.
I think my oldest son and his wife are bringing my granddaughter to my office today so that I can show her off! Then I get to go to lunch with them. I will also probably get to pay. Oh, well.
Happy Monday.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
My Joys
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Duck Walking
My husband is helping to coordinate a poetry reading/music event the will feature Southern poets and musicians from our region. First one ever in our city. The venue is an old tavern with a lot of rich history. He was there last night working out details with the tavern owner and who should walk in but our son.
I'm not sure but I don't think hanging out in a tavern is one of the 12 steps that he says he is supposed to practicing. He went outside to smoke for 45 mins or so and then left with the "chick" that he came in with. He spoke to his dad and gave him a hug when he left. Dad said he didn't look or act high. I said, "He was going to drink but you were there and didn't leave soon enough so that he could". Duh!
Okay, you get where I was going with the title of this blog? Walks like and duck, sounds like a duck....
We were planning to let my son come and visit with his baby at my house, overnight on Friday. I sent him a text last night and asked if he could pass a full panel drug test, to which he responded, "Of course". I told that was good because he would have to pass it for everything before he will be allowed to come to my home. I never heard back from him.
I may have played my hand too soon. He has tricks to get around a drug test that have worked in the past. I guess we will see on Friday if he even makes contact with me again.
Oy vey!!!
I'm not sure but I don't think hanging out in a tavern is one of the 12 steps that he says he is supposed to practicing. He went outside to smoke for 45 mins or so and then left with the "chick" that he came in with. He spoke to his dad and gave him a hug when he left. Dad said he didn't look or act high. I said, "He was going to drink but you were there and didn't leave soon enough so that he could". Duh!
Okay, you get where I was going with the title of this blog? Walks like and duck, sounds like a duck....
We were planning to let my son come and visit with his baby at my house, overnight on Friday. I sent him a text last night and asked if he could pass a full panel drug test, to which he responded, "Of course". I told that was good because he would have to pass it for everything before he will be allowed to come to my home. I never heard back from him.
I may have played my hand too soon. He has tricks to get around a drug test that have worked in the past. I guess we will see on Friday if he even makes contact with me again.
Oy vey!!!
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Taking Care of Myself
My family has had a bit of chaos not related to my son's addiction in the past couple of weeks. My dad is very, very ill and is on oxygen pretty much 24/7 now. I saw him two weekend ago and he didn't look good. It hurts to see him that way.
My 20 year old daughter is having "boy" problems and sort of freaked out at 2 a.m. one morning last week and I took her to the ER and she was admitted to the inpatient psych unit overnight. She made suicidal threats and had superficial cuts on one leg and a wrist. This all happened the night before my son was kicked out of his sober living facility.
Oh, and my husband and I recently separated for a short period. We are still not sure what is going to happen next. We are going to start counseling soon.
I work with a tightly knit group of women and we are all very supportive of each other. I guess we are each other's work family. I came to work on Friday after the incident with my daughter and they were all asking how could I even function at this point, let alone be at work. My supervisor was suggesting that I take a leave of absence.
I told them that work is something that I know I can do. I have control over what I do at my desk each day. I know the steps that I have to take to get through the day. The other stuff, I can't predict from day to day, or even minute to minute. I don't have any control over any of the other people in my life, and I can't change any of their behaviors to make my life more peaceful. I can control what I do and how I react to it.
Does any of it make my heart hurt less? No, but as the saying goes, "I can fake it until I make it".
I went to an Alanon meeting yesterday and the reading was about this very thing. When you are dealing with the upsetting behaviors of others or if you get bad news about your addicted love one, you should do the next normal thing that you were planning to do anyway. It could be getting up and going to work, or something simple as drinking the cup of coffee you just made and reading the paper.
So, my goal for today is to do the next normal thing and move forward.
My 20 year old daughter is having "boy" problems and sort of freaked out at 2 a.m. one morning last week and I took her to the ER and she was admitted to the inpatient psych unit overnight. She made suicidal threats and had superficial cuts on one leg and a wrist. This all happened the night before my son was kicked out of his sober living facility.
Oh, and my husband and I recently separated for a short period. We are still not sure what is going to happen next. We are going to start counseling soon.
I work with a tightly knit group of women and we are all very supportive of each other. I guess we are each other's work family. I came to work on Friday after the incident with my daughter and they were all asking how could I even function at this point, let alone be at work. My supervisor was suggesting that I take a leave of absence.
I told them that work is something that I know I can do. I have control over what I do at my desk each day. I know the steps that I have to take to get through the day. The other stuff, I can't predict from day to day, or even minute to minute. I don't have any control over any of the other people in my life, and I can't change any of their behaviors to make my life more peaceful. I can control what I do and how I react to it.
Does any of it make my heart hurt less? No, but as the saying goes, "I can fake it until I make it".
I went to an Alanon meeting yesterday and the reading was about this very thing. When you are dealing with the upsetting behaviors of others or if you get bad news about your addicted love one, you should do the next normal thing that you were planning to do anyway. It could be getting up and going to work, or something simple as drinking the cup of coffee you just made and reading the paper.
So, my goal for today is to do the next normal thing and move forward.
Monday, April 22, 2013
How does this happen?
How come a little boy who cried when his little sister got choked on a piece of watermelon when she was a toddler allow himself to enter hell through the point of a needle? How can the teenager already on his way to full addiction cry when he runs over a grass snake with the lawn mower only nicking it and come in begging his mom to take care of it? How come the 10 year old who promised his great-grandmother to keep the bears away while walking around the field at my parent's house go into strange neighborhoods to buy drugs. How can the pre-teen lead his other great-grandmother around the yard because he is afraid she will fall and hurt herself, lose so many friends to drug over doses or being shot during a drug deal gone wrong?
How can the man who fathered a beautiful baby boy turn his back in order to get high? How did it make sense to him to strap his infant son into a car seat and take him with him to find drugs?
He lost another friend this weekend to a heroin overdose. What made him think he could go to a bar and be okay
Where did it all go wrong?
I guess I am here right now because he sent me a text today saying that someone he knows from a meeting got him a job mowing yards today and that tomorrow he may have a job washing dishes in an up scale restaurant.
He said that he has been feeling guilty the last couple of days because of the relapse but has decided that he doesn't have to start over, he just needs to pick up where he left off.
This is what I sent back to him, "That's right. I was happy when you went back to sober living after you drank knowing that you would probably get busted and that you stuck around to deal with the consequences. That is a HUGE change in the way you have done business in the past. You could have decided to pick up again after you knew you were in trouble, but you didn't. For that I am thankful. You didn't fail if you learned something from it. If you did learn something and practice it everyday you make the demon of addiction just a smidge less powerful. I love you and I have faith and hope that you can do this. One day at a time."
He responded by saying, "I love you too mom".
I still have hope that tomorrow he will get up and put one foot in front of the other and walks the path of sobriety.
How can the man who fathered a beautiful baby boy turn his back in order to get high? How did it make sense to him to strap his infant son into a car seat and take him with him to find drugs?
He lost another friend this weekend to a heroin overdose. What made him think he could go to a bar and be okay
Where did it all go wrong?
I guess I am here right now because he sent me a text today saying that someone he knows from a meeting got him a job mowing yards today and that tomorrow he may have a job washing dishes in an up scale restaurant.
He said that he has been feeling guilty the last couple of days because of the relapse but has decided that he doesn't have to start over, he just needs to pick up where he left off.
This is what I sent back to him, "That's right. I was happy when you went back to sober living after you drank knowing that you would probably get busted and that you stuck around to deal with the consequences. That is a HUGE change in the way you have done business in the past. You could have decided to pick up again after you knew you were in trouble, but you didn't. For that I am thankful. You didn't fail if you learned something from it. If you did learn something and practice it everyday you make the demon of addiction just a smidge less powerful. I love you and I have faith and hope that you can do this. One day at a time."
He responded by saying, "I love you too mom".
I still have hope that tomorrow he will get up and put one foot in front of the other and walks the path of sobriety.
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